Negotiating is all about options: defining what you want, what you want to pay for what you want, and what you want to do if you don't get what you want.

It's very simple. Negotiating is about personal power, self-control, and sticking to your ultimate goal — saving on everything you can so you have the money for the special things you desire.

You Never Know Till You Ask

What many people don't realize is that shopkeepers and vendors are very often willing to negotiate on price. Veteran shoppers of antique fairs, flea markets, and other places where bargains abound will tell you that vendors feel very vulnerable when the flow of customers slows and their merchandise isn't moving.

Part of the skill of negotiating lies in asking. You never know what you can get until you ask. Basically, there are two possible answers: yes and no. We've all dealt with rejection and lived through it, so know that if your offer is rejected you won't suffer a humiliating fate. Politely thank the vendor and move on.

The Negotiating Technique

Here is a simple way to negotiate. Approach the shopkeeper or vendor when she is not hassled by too many customers at once.

If you notice she has just had an unpleasant conversation with a customer before you, use this to your advantage by smiling sympathetically and being extra courteous in your request.

Explain your situation — for example, that there is a stain on a dress you are interested in buying and you would like to get a discount on this damaged product. If it's an item that is dangerously out-of-season, like a swimsuit at the end of the summer or a summer wedding gown that is still on the rack long past the time a bride could wear it without shivering, then you should mention that fact.

Have an idea in your head of how much you would like to see the item discounted. If the shopkeeper agrees, you've just saved yourself some money.

If you receive a quote that isn't a bargain, express regret and name the amount you were hoping the price would be, adding that it will take X amount of time and money to make this item something you can use.

If the item is expensive, be sure to mention that you are spending a lot of money. Also point out if you are a frequent customer.

If you don't get what you want a second time, ask very politely if there is anyone more senior who could authorize a price adjustment. If there is not an adjustment at this point, politely express regret, shake your head, and say that you're sorry, you just won't be able to take it. Turn and prepare to return the item to the rack or shelf. If you're with someone, say you guess you're just going to have to look elsewhere, so you'd both better be leaving now.

See what happens when you do this — you may well hear, “Wait, let me see what I can do,” as you turn your back. Be gracious as they make another offer and see if you are happy with that. If not, decide whether you want the item or want to continue shopping.

Once you've tried this negotiating technique and had success, you'll never want to pay full price again. Remember, the issue is not whether you're able to spend the money, it's that you don't want to. You'd rather spend the money you save on something else.