Special Circumstance Showers

Showers for Pregnant Brides-to-Be

If she's expecting her first baby and her first wedding, why not combine the showers into one huge gala event? If it's public knowledge that she's expecting, this could lead to all sorts of fun ideas.

It would be totally appropriate, assuming it's OK with the bride, to have women with children under three show up at this party. Older kids probably ought to stay somewhere else. But hire or lure some teenager to entertain the little ones while you and the soon-to-be-Mommy party.

If the bride is totally petrified by the impending motherhood thing, then don't even bother to ask—make it a Big People Only shower and focus on just typical wedding presents.

What If the Groom Has Been Married Before, But She Hasn't?

If it is the groom's second marriage and the bride's first, you need only take into consideration the extent of the groom's possessions. If he already has a fully supplied residence, it would be pointless to have a shower and possibly cause the couple trouble in figuring out whose toaster to put in their now-joint kitchen. You'd want to throw a theme shower if that's the case.

Please note it is certainly acceptable to throw as large and lavish a shower as you desire if it is the bride's first wedding, despite the marital history of her groom.

Getting Married Again: Can We Still Give Her a Shower?

In some cases, it is thought to be in bad taste to have a big wedding or a big shower or more than one shower for a woman who is remarrying. But if the couple-to-be is having a big wedding, there seems to be no logical reason not to have a shower, or more than one, of any size that pleases you and the bride's other friends. Obviously, in the case of a small, private second wedding, it would not be appropriate to have an overwhelmingly large shower. You'll have to use your own judgment.

Further, if the bride and groom already have set up households separately or together, you would not invite people to a shower and expect them to show up with the same sort of gifts they would for a young couple just getting out of school. I suggest you throw a theme party for a second shower—invite the guests to bring something fun and celebrate in the joy of second chances with your bride. Also, it is more typical to have a coed shower in the case of a second marriage.

Special Notes for Showers for Second Marriages

Fifteen years ago, divorce was hushed up. But now that it's open and accepted as part of life, remarriages are entitled to as much hoopla as you and the bride feel comfortable with. While you and the girls probably won't be offering a grown woman new toasters and pillowcases as gifts (refer to the section on gifts for second marriage showers in Chapter 8), there's just as much reason to celebrate the second marriage—and maybe more reason than the first.

A second marriage gives you the opportunity to celebrate the truism that: Remarriage is the triumph of hope over experience. Live it up! Why ever not?

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