Though it may be hard to believe, some people will not be thrilled at the prospect of being included in a wedding. Others may turn down this opportunity due to personal or financial reasons. If this happens to you, be gracious and understanding. Most importantly, don't let if affect your relationship. Your friend probably has a good reason for declining your offer.

Attendant Protocol

Am I supposed to pay for lodging for out-of-town attendants? If your attendants are coming from a distance to be in your wedding, you should try to arrange for them to stay with another friend or family member. If alternate housing is not available, you should pay for rooms at a nearby hotel. But if your attendant would rather stay at a hotel than with your Aunt Martha, she should pay for the hotel herself.

Is it okay to have an honor attendant who lives out of town? While the honor attendant does have considerable responsibilities before the wedding, you shouldn't let distance be a deciding factor. Keep in mind that an out-of town maid of honor won't be there to help you with as much pre-wedding planning as would someone who lives locally, but with modern technology she can still do quite a lot.

Fulfilling the Duties

I have a close friend whom I would love to make a bridesmaid. Unfortunately, she has a tendency to act irresponsibly. What should I do? If you have doubts about the dependability of any of the friends and family on your list of potential wedding party members, think twice before you ask them. It could be an awful strain on the relationship if you had to take back your offer because someone turned out to be more of a headache than a help. If you do find yourself in the position of having to rescind an offer, if possible, do it before the friend purchases her dress or makes travel arrangements, or be prepared to reimburse her for her expenses. Again, be prepared for this to cause some strife in the relationship; in fact, depending on the circumstances, you may just want to continue to include her but not rely on her for any formal duties.

What do I do if one of my attendants isn't fulfilling her duties? Give her the benefit of the doubt. When it comes to fulfilling their duties, most attendants are waiting for cues from the bride. Perhaps you could create a list of attendants' duties that you would specifically like assistance with, including target dates for completing these duties. Go about this in a fun way, not as if you are the queen. If even this doesn't work, try talking to her. Maybe she has other things going on in her life that are preventing her from helping you out. But unless her behavior is extreme, you're going to have to just grin and bear it.

It Costs How Much?

How do I respond if a friend says no because she can't afford it? If she's a really good friend and it's in your budget, you could offer to pay for a portion or all of her expenses. Just don't let the other bridesmaids know, or they could go on strike and demand payment for their dresses, too. Your other option is to give her a part in your wedding that is less costly, like that of a reader.