The Guest List
The process (yes, it is a process) of compiling your guest list can be challenging, unless of course you have an open-ended budget and unlimited reception space. But if you're like most brides, you will need to make hard decisions when it comes to the guest list. Work with your fiancé and families to establish guidelines and create a guest list that suits your wedding plans.
More Guests versus More Money
My fiancé and I both come from large families with a tradition of big, fancy weddings. However, we have a limited budget and can't afford a dinner reception for 200 guests. What can we do? There is no rule that states all weddings must be in the evening and include an expensive sit-down meal. Even if this is what your families usually do, you can break the mold and do something different. Opt for a morning or afternoon wedding and have a classy brunch or luncheon; your budget will go much further. Creativity and imagination are essential factors for a modern wedding. Most importantly, make the wedding fun and unique.
Essential
To cut costs, you may be tempted to invite some people to the ceremony but not the reception. Don't do it! It is like telling the guest “we like you enough to invite you to the ceremony, but not enough to spend money on you at the reception.” It is just plain tacky. The reverse, a smaller ceremony and a larger reception, is acceptable.
Our guest list is larger than our venue and budget can accommodate. Is it okay to do a second invitation mailing if we receive many regrets the first time around? It has become an accepted practice to have an “A” list and a “B” list when preparing the guest list. It's realistic to anticipate some regrets (on average, about 20 to 25 percent of invited guests will be unable to attend). This gives you the opportunity to send invitations to those people on your B-list. If you decide to do this, the first mailing should be sent a minimum of eight weeks before the wedding date; the second should be sent no later than five weeks prior. On a final note, be aware that the original reply date is already printed on the response card, so watch your mailing time.
Sticky Situations
My mother recently remarried and assumed that I would not be inviting my father to my wedding. It's important to me that he is there, but my mother is threatening not to attend if my father does. What should I do? You should feel free to invite anyone you choose to your wedding, regardless of family infighting. It is up to each invitee to accept or decline your invitation. If your mother refuses to attend, tell her that you're sorry and you will miss her. When she realizes you mean it, she may come around. Of course, budget factors may come into play if your mother is paying for the wedding, so you must be prepared for what could happen.
My fiancé always seems to be on the verge of fisticuffs with his stepfather. Must we invite him to our wedding? To invite your fiancé's mother without her husband would be awkward, rude, and offensive to his mother. If your fiancé insists on excluding his stepfather, he should discuss it first with his mother to find out the most tactful way to handle this.
If the situation is extreme, the stepfather will probably share your discomfort and choose not to attend.
