For the important and possibly delicate task of determining who is invited to the wedding, work with your fiancé and families to create a guest list that suits your wedding plans. If you are like most brides, you will need to make hard decisions, as will your fiancé and your families. So, when it is time to tackle the guest list, follow these simple steps and establish some guidelines to get you moving on the right path.

Dividing the Guest List

In most cases the guest list is divided evenly between the families, regardless of who is paying for what, with the bride's parents, the groom's parents, and the couple each inviting one-third of the guests. The next step is to list everyone you'd ideally like to have, so you can see if the total number is beyond your reach.

Setting Boundaries

If the guest list is too long, establish some boundaries to trim it down. Just remember, you must apply all rules across the board. Making exceptions for certain people is the single best way to offend others and create more headaches for yourself. You may want to consider implementing any or all of the following policies:

• No children. The fact that you're not inviting children is indicated to parents by the fact that their children's names do not appear anywhere on the invitation. Just to be safe, however, make sure your mother (and anyone else who might be questioned) is aware of your policy. What age you choose as a cutoff point between children and young adults is up to you.

• No coworkers. If you were inviting people to the wedding to strengthen business ties, this may not be the best option, but if you do need to cut somewhere, and you feel comfortable excluding work acquaintances, this may be the way to go.

• No thirds, fourths, or twice-removeds. If you have a large immediate family, you may want to exclude distant relatives, with whom you have no regular social interaction.

• No “and Guest.” While you will certainly want to allow any “attached” guests to bring their significant others, the same does not necessarily need to extend to unattached guests. In other words, if you're on a tight budget and some guests are not part of an established couple, they can go stag and hang with the rest of the swinging singles. If you can't afford to invite single guests with a date, they will almost certainly understand.

  Remember, however, that married and engaged guests must always be invited along with their spouses and fiancés. Likewise, each of your attendants should be given the option to bring a guest, even if they're not involved in a relationship.

• No return invitations. If a distant relative or acquaintance invited you to his or her wedding, you do not automatically have to return the favor. They will understand if you make them aware that you're cutting costs and having a small affair. However, if your wedding is on a grand scope with an already large guest list, returning the invitation may be appropriate, or you may have some explaining to do.

• Be honest with the “not-invited.” If people approach you and assume they're being invited when they're not, be honest with them — and quickly. Waiting only serves to make the situation even more awkward. Tell them you'd love to have them, but it's impossible to invite everyone on your wish list.

• No regrets. Because it's realistic to anticipate some regrets (on average, about 20–25 percent of invited guests will be unable to attend), you and your fiancé may decide to send a second mailing of invitations to people on your B-list. It has become popular for couple to have an A-list and a B-list.

  The B's receive invites as the A's decline the invitation. If you need to make cuts, forgo the B-list invites. However, if you choose to do two mailings, the first should be sent eight to ten weeks before the wedding date; the second should be sent out no later than five weeks prior.