The rehearsal dinner is a time for the people involved in the wedding to enjoy some special time before the big day. Rehearsal dinners don't need to be dinners at all; luncheons are perfectly acceptable. The timing will be dictated by the time of the wedding rehearsal.

Planning the Dinner

A rehearsal dinner can be formal or casual. The one thing it should not do, in size or formality, is eclipse the actual wedding. Watch the size of your guest list and take into account the events of the wedding day. For example, if you are planning a casual barbecue for the wedding, a four-course rehearsal dinner would be out-of-place.

Traditionally, the expense of the rehearsal party is borne by the groom's parents, but these days anyone who wishes may sponsor the party. Typically an informal affair, the rehearsal party usually takes place in a restaurant or a private home; a simple phone call is the usual means of inviting the guests. E-mail or traditional invitations may be used as well.

Having a good time is the only thing that is required at the rehearsal dinner. Often couples will use this opportunity to present the attendants and their parents with thank-you gifts. This is the time to have personal toasts and lots of them … if you wish.

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?

Strictly speaking, the following people should be invited:

All members of the wedding party, along with their spouses or significant others (and children, if applicable)

The parents of the bride and groom

Siblings of the bride and groom

The ceremony officiant, along with his or her spouse or significant other

Children in the wedding party and their parents

Readers, soloists, who were expected to be at the rehearsal

Grandparents of the bride and groom

Godparents of the bride and groom

Out-of-town wedding guests (if money and space permit, inviting out-of-town guests is a nice gesture but not required)

Any special friends and family members, again if money and space permits

Of course, you can invite anyone else you want, but try to keep the party intimate. Remember, the goal is to allow everyone to relax and to give you and your groom some additional time with loved ones who may only be in town for a few days. You'll have plenty of time to party with your other wedding guests on the big day.