When you selected your ceremony location (see Chapter 6), you probably decided on the style of ceremony you will have as well as who may be officiating. These decisions are the building blocks for planning your ceremony and will jump-start other stylistic and logistic choices you will need to make for your ceremony.

Ceremony Preparation

If you have decided on a religious ceremony, consult with your officiant about premarital requirements. Religions vary in their rules and restrictions, as do different branches within the same religion. Your first meeting with the officiant should clear up most of the technical details and give you the opportunity to ask questions. Although religions differ too much to make a blanket statement about each one's approach to the marriage rite, the following should give you a general idea about what to expect from some of the major religions' ceremonies.

Catholic Ceremony

Contrary to popular belief, the Catholic ceremony is not overly long. You have the option of incorporating a complete mass (which adds about fifteen minutes to the total time), but it is not a requirement. From the moment the organ announces your arrival at the altar to the time you walk back down the aisle with your new husband, approximately half an hour will have elapsed. Here are the basic elements of the ceremony:

• Introductory Rites: The ceremony starts with opening music selections; once you reach the altar, the priest greets you and your guests, offers the penitential rites, and says an opening prayer.

• Liturgy of the Word: This is when the reading you have chosen will be given, perhaps by special friends or family members. At the completion of the reading, the priest gives a brief homily that focuses on some aspect of marriage.

• Rite of Marriage: After the declaration of consent, the rings are blessed and exchanged. What most people don't realize is that the exchange of vows, not the ring exchange, is the act that marks the official moment of marriage.

The Protestant Ceremony and Preparations

Protestant marriages of all denominations have far fewer requirements and restrictions than Catholic marriages. An informational meeting with the clergy is required, but premarital counseling is optional. Furthermore, there is no need for an annulment if either party has been divorced.

The Protestant religion encompasses a great many denominations, but the basic elements of the marriage ceremony are the same. Here's a brief overview of what to expect:

• The ceremony begins; members of the wedding party walk up the aisle.

• The couple welcomes their guests.

• A Prayer of Blessing is said.

• Scripture passages are read.

• There is a Giving in Marriage (affirmation by the parents).

• The congregation gives its response.

• Vows and rings are exchanged.

• The celebration of the Lord's Supper takes place.

• The unity candle is lit.

• The Benediction is given.

• The Recessional takes place.

Jewish Ceremonies and Preparations

Judaism, too, has different branches that adhere to different rules; however, in the Orthodox, Conservative, and Reform traditions, certain elements of the wedding ceremony are basically the same.

• The marriage ceremony is conducted under a chuppah, an ornamented canopy (optional in the Reform ceremony).

• The Seven Blessings are recited.

• The bride and groom drink blessed wine; the groom then smashes the glass with his foot (the glass is wrapped in a napkin to prevent shards from landing in someone's eye or from harming the groom's foot).

• The newly married couple is toasted with the expression “Mazel tov!” (“Good luck!”).

Jewish marriages within the more stringent Orthodox and Conservative branches have a few stipulations:

• Weddings cannot take place on the Sabbath or any time that is considered holy.

• Ceremonies are performed in Hebrew or Aramaic only.

• No interfaith marriages are conducted.

• Men must wear yarmulkes.

• The bride wears her wedding ring on her right hand.

While Reform ceremonies also cannot take place on the Sabbath or any other holy time, they do differ from Orthodox and Conservative ceremonies in a few ways. For example, the bride wears her ring on her left hand, and in English-speaking countries, the ceremony is performed in both English and Hebrew.

Interfaith Marriage

Early in the planning, consult with both sets of clergy to get a clear picture of what rules and restrictions each religion, clergy, and house of worship has. Some clergy will accept the union, and others will with stipulations. For example, some will allow co-officiating, and some will have restrictions about where or when the marriage takes place. Here are a few ground rules for interfaith marriages. Again, always check with your clergy for specifics.

• In general, the Catholic Church will sanction a marriage between a Catholic and non-Catholic providing that all of the church's concerns are met.

• In marriages between a Protestant and a Catholic, officiants from both religions may take part in the ceremony if the couple wishes, and arrangements are made in advance.

• Quakers, Hindus, and Buddhists, to name a few, are more open and accepting of interfaith marriages.

• The Church of Latter-Day Saints, Reform Judaism, and Islam will tolerate these unions.

• For-hire officiants representing all denominations perform ceremonies all over the country. They are usually more flexible in their rules and guidelines. Now you may not be able to marry in a house of worship, but you just might be able to have officiants from both faiths perform the ceremony at a neutral or agreed-upon location.

Questions to Ask the Officiant

Armed with the knowledge of the types of ceremonies and the rituals associated with them, it is time to finalize some details with your officiant. When you meet with your ceremony officiant to discuss a wedding date, have a list of questions ready. Find out what you will be required to do. Here is a list of potential questions:

Are there any restrictions placed on your ability to marry?

What is the procedure for an interfaith marriage?

Are there any papers to be filled out or bans to be posted?

Are there any premarital counseling requirements? If so, what are they?

What does the ceremony consist of?

May we write our vows?

What kind of services does the facility provide (music, reception area)?

What fees are required for marrying in the facility? What are the costs?

What do the fees include?

Is it possible to include family members and close friends in the ceremony as readers, candle lighters, singers, and such?

Are there any restrictions on the kind of music?

What are the rules regarding photography and video recording?

Will there be a coordinator for the ceremony site, or does the officiant handle those details?

Are there facilities for the bridal party to wait in while they wait for the ceremony to begin?

CEREMONY CHECKLIST