Once you have determined the venue, who will be marrying you, and whether it will be religious or civil, it is time to plan the ceremony. Even if you have been to hundreds of weddings, you probably have not paid a lot of attention to what happens and when. As an observer, your job is easy, but now it is your turn to walk down the aisle. Suddenly, everything means something, and everything has a time and place.

Ceremony Outline

Each ceremony will differ slightly, but there is a basic guideline for traditional parts of a wedding. Depending on your officiant and type of ceremony, there are many ways to customize the guidelines with readings, musical selections, and symbolic ceremonies.

THE WEDDING CEREMONY:

• Prelude. The thirty minutes or so prior to the ceremony as guests arrive and are seated.

• Processional. Signals the beginning of the ceremony. The mothers are seated, followed by the entrance of the officiant, groom, and groomsmen. The bridesmaids, followed by the ring bearer and flower girl are next, and of course the bride and her escort are the grand finale.

• Welcome. The officiant welcomes the guests.

• Giving Away or Recognition of the Parents. The officiant asks some version of “who gives this woman to marry this man?”

• Charge to the Couple. The officiant confirms each party has come to marry of his or her free will.

• Exchange of Vows. The couple recites their vows.

• Ring Ceremony. The bride and groom each give and receive a wedding ring symbolizing their union.

• Pronouncement. You are officially married.

• Recessional. The official exit from the church as a married couple. You and your husband will lead the recessional, followed by pairs of the bridal party in the reverse order in which they entered. The parents are also included.

The Vows

If you're perfectly satisfied with the traditional civil or religious vows, skip to the next section — individualized vows aren't for everyone. However, if you're looking for something different to say at the altar, an alternative to the traditional wedding vows, this list of questions is designed to help you find the perfect vows for you and your fiancé.

Start by writing down answers to the following questions. Doing so will provide you with valuable source material, and help you develop your vows.

Answer together: How do you, as a couple, define the following terms?

Love:

Trust:

Marriage:

Family:

Commitment:

Togetherness:

Answer together: How did the two of you first meet?

Answer separately: What was the first thing you noticed about your partner?

Bride:

Goom:

Answer together: List any shared hobbies or other mutual interests.

Answer together: What was the single, most important event in your relationship? (Or, what was the event that you feel says the most about your development as a couple?)

Answer together: How similar (or different) were your respective childhoods? Try to recount some of the important parallels or differences.

Answer together: Is there a song, poem, or book that is particularly meaningful in your relationship? If so, identify it here.

Answer together: Do you and your partner share a common religious tradition? If so, identify it here.

Answer together: If you share a common religious tradition, is there a particular scriptural passage that as a couple you find particularly meaningful? If so, identify it here.

Answer together: Why did your parents' marriages succeed or fail? What marital pitfalls do you want to avoid? What can you take from your parents' examples, good or bad?

Answer together: Take some time to reminisce about the course of your relationship. When did you first realize you loved each other? When did you first say the words? What trials and tribulations has your love had to overcome? What are your fondest memories?

Answer separately: What do you love about your partner? Why?

Bride:

Goom:

Answer together: How do you and your partner look at personal growth and change? What aspects of your life together are likely to change over the coming years? How do you anticipate dealing with those changes? How important is mutual respect and tolerance in your relationship? When one of you feels that a particular need is being overlooked, what is the best way to address this problem with the other person?

Answer together: Do you and your partner have a common vision of what your life as older people will be like? Will it include children or grandchildren? Take this opportunity to put into words the vision you and your partner share of what it will be like to grow old together.

First Draft of Our Wedding Vows

Second Draft of Our Wedding Vows