As if it weren't hard enough to balance life with diabetes, divorce can double the challenges. Divorced parents, no matter how amicable or angry, will need to put aside their personal hurt and work as a team to make life work well for their child with diabetes as he travels between the two homes. And parents will be challenged: The trauma of the diagnosis can bring back hurt and anger from the past that just don't need to be revisited now.

Two Homes, One Plan

Hard as it may be, you will need to come up with a plan that works in harmony with both homes. First, every diabetes supply your child needs for any reason will need to be stored at each home. Talk to your medical team about making sure your prescriptions cover enough to keep stocked in two places. Toting it all back and forth is too much to expect, and things would be forgotten. You should set a planned date each month when the parent who is in charge of refills delivers supplies to the other. Don't waver from that date any more than you would from a child-support payment or a visitation drop-off or pickup.

As hard as it may be, parents will also need to attend all the medical appointments together. This can get a bit crowded. If there are stepparents involved, you'll need to talk to your medical team about making sure every parent can be a part of the ongoing medical education without overwhelming the room. You may need to appoint a parent to take notes and share with other stepparents, if the medical team asks that you limit the number of people who attend.

Parents should also be sure to share any pertinent information about the child's week when handing off for visitations (e.g., “Suzy had a minor stomach bug last night,” or “Billy played four hours of lacrosse today”).

Don't Be a Disney Dad or Mom

Even if you have long been the fun parent in the divorce situation, now is the time to understand that you simply cannot waver from the standard of care that your diabetes team has set up for your child. Come to an agreement as parents on what food and activity choices are acceptable. Don't let your child break rules that are set at one home. You should never hear, “At Mom's house I never have to wear my medic alert when I go out and play!” Do not ever question your ex's diabetes care choices to your child. Children have a way of finding things to use to manipulate situations. Even suggesting to your child that her diabetes care could be a weapon she could use against either of you is a dangerous precedent to set. Hard as it may be, wait until a private time, either on the phone, in person, or via e-mail, to discuss any concerns you may have with your ex.

Nobody's Perfect

At the same time, be reasonable in your expectations. No one is perfect. If your child comes home having missed a few blood checks or run a few highs, discuss the situation quietly and privately with your ex. And remember, you're not perfect either. If you begin to see patterns that concern you, and your ex does not respond in a cooperative way, discuss this with your child's social worker. Often, a third party can find a middle ground that can work for all of you.

What if your ex simply does not care well for your child? Then, you have a larger situation on your hands. In that case, it is most likely time for some professional intervention, such as a family counselor or your medical team. Remember, your child's future is more important than your personal needs.