By the time children are nine, they are too busy giggling and trying to change the subject to be able to have a conversation about sex. Don't believe your tween's claims that he “already knows all that.” Tweens use many sexual words long before they know what they mean. At age eleven, most children still think an “ass” is a donkey and admit to wondering why it's bad to mention these poor creatures in public.

By holding an elaborate coming-of-age ceremony, it may be possible to eliminate your tween's embarrassment so that you can have a serious conversation about sex. Choose a date a month or two away, explain that during his special event you will reveal the truth of what it means to be a man. Tell him that afterward everything will change for him, because you will begin preparing him to assume adult responsibilities so that he will be able to have a family of his own one day. Of course, you would do the same with a daughter.

For the ceremony itself, create a mood with candles, incense, and music. Be ready to present a speech about what it means to be a man and what makes men special. For example, “Men are strong but loving; they care for their bodies, their minds, and their souls; they cherish the mate they choose above all others; they love the children they bring into the world; they honor God; they protect the earth and all living things.” Tell your daughter what it means to be a woman and what makes women special. Then proceed with a discussion about how men and women make babies and about the physical changes boys and girls go through during puberty.