Jessica had always made straight As at an academically demanding private school. In addition, she participated in so many extracurricular activities that her parents were amazed she could keep track of her schedule. In seventh grade she was on the swim team (four practices a week plus swim meets), in the church choir (one practice a week plus two Sunday services), and on the student council (one before-school meeting twice a month). She continued the piano lessons she'd begun at age six (one lesson a week plus daily practice) and volunteered as a Candy Striper at the hospital (four hours every Saturday afternoon). She spent one to two hours a night on homework and studied on the weekends, too. Often she went to bed after her parents.

When Jessica went through a period of moodiness, her parents became convinced that she was doing too much. They said she must drop something, pointing out that she had dark circles under her eyes and cried at the drop of a hat. Jessica said she was fine and explained why each of her activities was critical. When they insisted, she became so hysterical they felt a bit frightened. They scheduled a family counseling session to get help deciding what to do.

A Different Kind of Life

Jessica said that her moodiness of late was due to conflicts with some classmates. They accused her of being a snob because she didn't spend time with them anymore. Jessica liked to hang out with them at school but wasn't otherwise interested in their company. “They're into boys and clothes and rock music,” she said. “I'm not into that scene.” She admitted that missing sleep was a problem but insisted that each of her activities was important for her future. “If I'm going to get into medical school, I've got to get good grades and show that I'm well rounded,” she said.

However, it didn't seem that a medical school admissions committee was what drove her. The bottom line was that Jessica loved everything she was doing. She admitted to sometimes feeling overwhelmed but was generally happy in her life. When asked what she needed to help her feel happier, she replied, “More hours in each day.”

In the end, her parents decided to help Jessica pursue her own path. They would take pressure off of her by no longer requiring her to wash the dishes after dinner. They wouldn't insist that she participate in their customary Saturday night video and popcorn feast and would let her decide whether to accompany them to the mall and on other family outings. Jessica agreed to go to bed on time and to forgo practicing the piano if she had more than the usual amount of homework on a school night, making up the piano practice time on the weekends. She might not have a balanced life by anyone else's standards, but Jessica wasn't anyone else. She had more energy than most people and very specific ideas about how she wanted to direct it.