If you have trouble getting your child into bed at night, you're not alone. Most younger tweens prefer to be where the action is: up with the rest of the family. But there are other factors that drive them to rub the sleep from their eyes and try to carry on instead of turning themselves over to the sandman.

Scary Shadows

Young tweens may resist retiring to a darkened bedroom where ogres appear in the shifting shadows, and where faint creaks and groans as the house shifts and shudders sound like burglars rapping at the window and dinosaurs creeping down the hall.

If outlawing violent movies and videogames doesn't help, try dousing fearful shadows in beams from night-lights or a flashlight that he can keep under his pillow. The rays stop predators in their tracks and send them scurrying for shelter. Leave a hall light on and the door open to dispel the darkness, or leave the overhead light on in your child's room and let him fall asleep in the reassuring glare. Who says that people must sleep in the dark?

Often a fear of a nighttime visit from a wild animal or cartoon character can be overcome by outfitting your tween with a special repellant guaranteed to render the nastiest beast harmless. The repellant can be anything from a flashlight to a designated stick to wave like a magic wand. Since sound can banish monsters, provide a rattle your child can shake at the closet shadows and at the branches tapping the window. Placing a protective object in the room, such as an oversized Teddy bear to stand guard, can be reassuring. Knowing that they are being watched over by angels or another divine presence soothes many tweens, so prayers are often helpful.

Night fears are virtually unheard of in countries where families sleep together, and bunking down together is a virtually guaranteed way to eliminate scares. However, sharing sheets with a thrasher and losing precious alone time and privacy with a spouse may create more problems than it solves. A short-term solution is to allow your child to fall asleep in your bed and walk him to his room when you retire or set up a nearby pallet on the floor where he can bed down. However, while such strategies may relieve his fearfulness, they may not solve the bigger problem of learning to relax and fall asleep alone.

When the Day's Too Short

As tweens get older, their reluctance to retire when told is driven by their wish to socialize with friends on the phone rather than with family in the living room. Fears of being attacked by prowling ghosts are supplanted by ruminations about personal problems and real-life dangers. Many stay up late doing homework.

Some children find it helpful to share their problems at bedtime, so they can get them off their chests instead of having them swirl through their minds after the lights go out. However, talking about problems at bedtime causes some children to feel more upset, making it hard for them to fall asleep afterward. The only way to know what works best for your youngster is to ask him if he continued to worry about his problem after you left the room. If he did, find another time for him to share about his day, such as after dinner.

Some parents don't feel particularly sympathetic when they are tired. When children continue to express fear, plead for one more glass of water, and make other bids for continuing time and attention, some parental crankiness is inevitable. Nevertheless, it's important to communicate three things to a restless night owl: “I'm sorry that you can't sleep,” “I have confidence that you can control your thoughts and relax,” “Thinking happy thoughts, counting sheep, and turning on some soothing music are activities that can help you. We'll try some dietary and exercise changes to see if they make a difference.”

Stress and Depression

Stress and depression, as well as some medications, cause brain waves to change and alter sleep cycles. As a result, a youngster may be tired during the day despite spending long hours in bed. Agitated depression causes hyperactivity and difficulties unwinding enough to sleep. A common symptom of clinical depression is early-morning awakening. Take your youngster for a mental health evaluation if sleep problems persist.