An important family value is helping and supporting one another even when things get tough. Learning to put other people's needs first sometimes is part of growing up and becoming an adult. As your tween matures, you need to teach her that pulling together as a family is important. This lesson will serve her when she has a family of her own one day.

Sacrificing for a Sibling

To pretend that it is in everyone's best interest to follow a rule developed for one child is unfair. Even if the goal is to minimize sibling discord, engaging in this kind of deception is wrong and usually backfires. Accordingly, don't pretend that canceling the family vacation is best for everyone when the truth is that you are canceling it so that one youngster can attend summer school, participate in a dance camp, or receive ongoing medical treatment.

Similarly, if one of your children needs to lose weight, explain to everyone that you must prepare low-fat meals for his protection and aren't going to create separate menus. State that you will no longer buy sodas and candy bars because his needs must come first right now. Don't pretend that they could all stand to lose some weight if that is not the real issue.

Be Honest

By telling your children that everyone must pull together to help a sibling, you teach an important value: Family members must make sacrifices to help one another. Siblings may resent having to forgo certain pleasures for the sake of one child, but they will probably figure out what is going on even if you try to deceive them. You can help them feel better by acknowledging their sacrifices and letting them know that you are proud of them and appreciate that they are helping out — willingly or not. Doing so reassures youngsters that if they have a special problem, you will mobilize the family to unite on their behalf, too.