Cullen's parents brought him in for counseling because their nightly arguments over homework and chores were making everyone in the family miserable.

Cullen's only regular duties were making his bed and feeding the dog each day, taking out the trash every few days, setting the table when asked, and cleaning his room when his mother thought a bulldozer would be required to clear a path to his bed if he put it off much longer. In addition, he was supposed to do whatever small amount of homework his teachers assigned.

Losing Battles

When Cullen's mother told him that it was time to do one of his chores, his predictable response was to promise to do it later. “Later” didn't arrive until she had issued several reminders, which made her feel like a nag, or until she lost patience, which meant yelling at him and sending him to his room.

Cullen put off making his bed until it was time to leave for school, so he had to wait to make it until he returned home. Then, if his mother said he couldn't go outside until he finished, he would say he was staying inside.

When a friend appeared at the door, a real confrontation would ensue as Cullen demanded to be allowed to play with him. If the friend was sent away, Cullen still wouldn't make his bed. Sometimes his mother didn't have the energy to fight with him and would be talked into letting him go out “just this once.”

He did his in-school work well enough, but his teachers assigned more homework each year. His grades were suffering because he wouldn't do take-home assignments or study for tests.

Cullen's parents tried forbidding him to watch television unless he did his chores without being reminded, but he would say he didn't care and do something else instead. When another family member turned on the TV, Cullen was sent to his room. Spending the evening alone did not seem healthy for him, so his parents sometimes pretended not to notice he was watching TV.

In counseling, the therapist asked Cullen why he put more effort into avoiding doing his chores and homework than doing them. Cullen gave the famous tween reply, “I dunno. I guess 'cause it's boring.” It seemed like a hopeless struggle.

The Quiet Time Solution

The solution their counselor proposed seemed impossible given the family's busy schedule. Cullen's parents agreed to try it for two weeks and were surprised at how well things went once everyone adjusted. The children and parents divvied up the chores and rotated them on a weekly basis. They rotated supervisors, too, so that everyone took turns policing everyone else.

A quiet time was held after dinner each school day for homework, studying, and chores. During that time the TV was turned off, the answering machine stayed on, and no guests were allowed in the house. The children studied in the kitchen so a parent could monitor them while simultaneously cleaning up, making lunches for the next day, or sitting at the kitchen table to pay bills.

If a child was doing chores in another part of the house, he requested an inspection from his “supervisor” when he finished. If someone had no homework and finished his chores early, he spent the rest of the quiet time reading.

After the first week, Cullen stopped grumbling. The quality of his homework quickly improved. The other children protested at first but seemed to enjoy the camaraderie of studying and doing chores together. Cullen got so comfortable with the new routine that when soccer season started, he was the one who asked, “But what are we going to do about quiet time?”

The children were upset when it was moved to before school in the mornings, because that meant an earlier bedtime. However, a week later they had stopped objecting. Everyone seemed to feel that it was worth not having to go through long evenings of endless arguing.