Mediating Student-Teacher Conflicts
Many students say that they are afraid to ask their teacher for help with schoolwork or classroom problems. Often the real issue is that they don't know how to communicate their concerns. Your presence can give your child courage. As a mediator, you can teach her what to say and how to handle herself.
Consider including your child in your conversations with her teacher. That way, she can begin learning how to handle problem-solving discussions. Mediate when your child attempts to communicate with her teacher by helping her express herself clearly and respectfully.
Once you have identified your child's concerns and formulated some possible solutions, have your child provide input as you write a letter to the teacher. For instance, if your child gets in trouble for talking in class but is afraid to discuss the problem with the teacher, you might write a note like the following.
The next step is to write a letter with your child's input that you both sign. That way, your child communicates with the teacher more directly but still has your support.
Next, work together to create a letter but have your youngster write it in her handwriting:
The final step is to provide suggestions but have your child write the letter, sign it, and take it to school.
Hopefully, by the time your child reaches this point, she will feel confident enough to address her teacher in person. If not, help her overcome her fear and learn how by accompanying her to school for a conference. If you do most of the talking, provide lots of openings for your child to talk. You might say, for example: “Susie needs to discuss a problem but was worried about talking to you by herself, so I came along to help. She doesn't understand what to do for the book report and was uncomfortable about asking you to re-explain it. Could you tell her again?”
Next time, have your tween do most of the talking while you mediate when needed:
It hurt my feelings when you called me a liar in front of everybody. |
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I did no such thing! |
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I think Susie is trying to say that she was upset when she thought you didn't believe her yesterday and felt embarrassed in front of her classmates. In the future, would it be possible to discuss such issues in the hall or after class? |
Finally, role-play a conversation with your tween, and then have her talk to the teacher alone. If she is dissatisfied with the results, go to school to assist her:
Susie said she talked to you about the problem she is having with some students bothering her in the halls between classes. The problem has continued, and she has a question she wants to ask you. |
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What should I do? |
Just as you must teach your child to cross the street by holding her hand until she reaches a certain level of competence and confidence, you must hold your child's hand until she has developed the self-confidence and know-how to talk to her teacher.
Most teachers say students shouldn't listen to music while studying, but many tweens concentrate better while a tune is playing. Extroverts may be able to listen to music with lyrics, but introverts, who concentrate best when they are alone, are likely to be distracted by songs that have words. They may do better with instrumentals.
When you know that your child can ask questions, solicit special help when needed, confront teachers respectfully, and do her schoolwork, you will know that she has what it takes to succeed in school today, college tomorrow, and at work in the years to come.
