Learning to conform is part of what the tween years are all about. As tweens learn to conform to the rules, demands, and expectations of teachers, family members, and friends, they learn to get along with others.

Conflicts may develop if your expectations and demands differ from your child's peers. To conform to your desires, she must care more about what you think than about what they think. That will be difficult if she spends all day with her friends at school, comes home to an empty house, and only sees you when you are exhausted and irritable from a long day at work. If you are too critical, she may stop trying to conform to your wishes, believing she will never please you.

You will need to spend a lot of quality time with your tween and have a very strong relationship before you can hope that she will resolve her peers-versus-parents dilemmas in your favor. See Chapters 4 and 7 for suggestions. Another solution is to surround him with friends whose values coincide with yours. To that end, look for an activity he enjoys that you approve of.