Your New Parenting Role
Although the posting of a Keep Out sign is indeed an indication that your tween is growing up, rest assured that growing up doesn't need to mean growing away. In fact, your child's physical departure during late adolescence doesn't have to mean growing away, either. Whether they are twelve or sixty-two, children never outgrow the need for parents, but they need them differently as they mature.
Your relationship can actually become richer and more satisfying if you can make a gradual transition from an emphasis on protecting and controlling during early childhood, to teaching and supervising during the tween and teen years, to advising and guiding during the adult years.
Sometimes it helps to consider your long-term goal. Most parents hope to have a warm relationship with their adult children and continue to influence them. To do that, parents must be able to relate to them as friends, which means treating children as their equals. Now is the time to give your tween more opportunities to relate to you like an adult. Affirm your child's right to disagree with you, respect her opinions, make it clear that you consider her desires when making decisions, and allow her to pursue some paths even though they are not the ones you would choose for her.
It helps to remember that when she is an adult in less than 120 months, you will no longer be able to protect or control her. If you are to have a truly close relationship, you'll be able to offer your advice, but only when she asks for it. If she regards you as a trusted confidant and friend, your advice will mean a lot. Sometimes she might even take it. Even if she doesn't want your advice, your continuing support can make a big difference in her long-term health and happiness. The time to begin making the transition from protector to friend is now. But make it ever so slowly.
