Common Myths and Misconceptions
For three decades, professionals made a concerted effort to eliminate the sexism that led to discrimination against America's girls. Now professionals have begun taking a closer look at America's boys to discover what ails them. Although no one has been able to tease out exactly how much of typical boy behavior is due to biology and how much is a result of environmental influences, it's clear that too many boys are growing up in environments that are poorly suited to their needs.
The number of tween boys being diagnosed with hyperactivity, attention deficit disorder, oppositional behavior, and various learning problems has reached epidemic proportions. So have the percentages of those who end up in trouble with the law or diagnosed with a behavior disorder in later adolescence.
Difficulty sitting still, restlessness, and fidgeting are symptoms of hyperactivity. They are also symptoms of anxiety. The prospect of having to sit still when they need to move, or of getting into trouble for moving, makes lots of little boys very anxious. Many boys end up tuning out all of the naysayers who seek to contain them, running circles around the classroom during the day and around the living room in the evening. If adults have difficulty penetrating the protective armor boys erect to fend off criticism, some boys can be diagnosed with attention deficit disorder with hyperactivity.
Meanwhile, boys who make a Herculean effort to contain themselves often find sitting still such an energy-consuming task that they can't think about much else. They fade in and out of their daydreams and lose track of what is happening around them as they retreat to the more interesting world of their fantasies. This makes them ripe for a diagnosis of attention deficit disorder without hyperactivity.
The common treatment for boys who display problems with attentional disorders and/or hyperactivity is medication. The hundreds of thousands of children standing in line outside of nurses' offices each day are overwhelmingly male. Labeling masses of tween boys “behavior disordered” and administering millions of doses of mind-altering drugs to control normal albeit difficult behavior is a national scandal.
The most commonly prescribed medications are chemically related to “speed.” Although researchers have found that hyperactive boys who are medicated for long stretches during their tween years are less at risk of juvenile delinquency and drug addiction later in life, practicing clinicians report that it is common for them to abuse speed.
Many psychologists question the modern belief that hyperactivity is an inherited problem. Parents who lacked appropriate physical outlets and help to contain themselves when they were growing up may not know how to help their own children. These parents often fail to provide child-friendly home environments, sufficient exercise, and help managing anxiety. They don't know how to teach their sons to pay attention and concentrate, often badgering and belittling them for lapses, which increases children's anxiety and makes it harder for them to relax. If medication designed to control behavior is used at all, it should be part of a therapeutic program designed to ensure that children are being helped to come to grips with their underlying problems.
Jocks and BookwormsLike any group of human beings, it is impossible to discuss boys without stereotyping. Remember that any adjective that handily describes more than 50 percent of young males may not apply to your child. Contrary to what many parents fear, boys who don't fit the puppy-dog-tail stereotypes aren't less masculine than those who do. Boys who prefer the arts to sports won't automatically grow up to be homosexual. From Beethoven to Hemingway to Picasso, most of the great artists have been heterosexual men.
In fact, boys who display behaviors and interests more typical of girls actually have certain advantages that enhance their adjustment. They tend to do better in school and have fewer conflicts at home. However, pressuring them to pursue interests that don't come naturally to them can result in problems. Parents who worry about their boys being insufficiently masculine can make them feel that they don't measure up, causing them to doubt themselves. Boys who follow the typical developmental pattern and adhere to more rough-and-ready interests and styles of relating are likely to have more than their fair share of problems in both settings. Further, it is a myth that a little jock who is “all boy” will be heterosexual. Many extremely virile men are gay.
The Love of ViolenceMost toddler boys build and topple tall towers, reveling in the crash. During preschool, they crash toy cars, trucks, and trains into walls and furniture. By first grade, favorite pastimes include crashing Matchbox cars and exploding miniature army men. During the teenage years, lots of boys congregate to cheer schoolyard fights.
In between, boys are captivated by the grand crashes and explosions of cap guns, cherry bombs, fireworks, BB guns, and whatever else makes lots of noise or explodes. The noisier and more destructive, the better as far as many tween boys are concerned — assuming no one gets hurt. If they are prevented from indulging in mock mayhem, they draw pictures of aerial bombers decimating schools, tanks rolling over family members, and friends being blown to bits by cannons, adding red crayon drops, spatters, and smears to represent blood.
The penchant for bangs and bombs is a boy thing. But although blowing up anthills, smashing bottles, and setting off potato cannons are not the kind of activities parents want to encourage, they may find themselves helpless to stop them. Pummeling peers and purposely destroying property are problems that need to be addressed.
If you find such behavior distressing, you aren't alone. Psychologists and psychiatrists know that a fascination with violence can be a serious sign of emotional trouble and are quick to diagnose pathology. Lots of fathers are appalled, too, though many sheepishly admit to having done the same during their own tween years.
Lots of parents resolve the problem by making it clear that such dangerous, destructive play is unacceptable. Then, when yet another backyard explosion sends the birds scurrying for cover, parents make a point of pretending not to hear, as they studiously look the other way.
