Living with the Child Within
A large portion of this book has been dedicated to an understanding of the domestication and healing of the victim child in the inner world. The most important relationship in the eagle warrior's life is with the victim child. The warrior has worked hard, fought with the judge and parasite to win the child's attention, and revealed and healed the strategies the child developed to be safe and get his needs met.
The warrior has shown the child the judge's lies, and told him the truth about life. He has brought love and acceptance into a hidden world formerly filled with fear and self-rejection. The Toltec tools of transformation and the warrior's love have healed the wounds of the victim child, and integrated the split-off parts of his human mind.
Living with the Ally Child
Like children in the outer world, the warrior has learned that the child parts of his inner world are all dreaming perfect expressions of who they are, and what they know. They are never wrong or bad; they simply speak their truth as they understand it. The warrior has learned to hold a safe container for the feelings of all the parts of his inner world, and listen to their fears and concerns with an open heart and mind.
Now, the child has become an ally to the warrior. He is the voice of the subtle feelings that move through him as the truth of life within. The “ally child” is the warrior's reminder and guide to playing, creating, and loving in his life. They go into life together, the ally child in his magical innocence, and the Toltec warrior, present and powerful in every moment. Together, they are artists of the spirit.
An Apprentice Tells His Story
“When I started my work on the Toltec path, I had no idea about any victim child or warrior in my inner world. I knew my relationships didn't work out too well, and I was always pretty anxious, but, hey, beer kept me chilled out. Doesn't everybody have those problems? I just thought it would be cool to be a ‘Toltec,’ and do stuff like eat peyote and have hallucinations in the desert. I read some books and stuff, and then accidentally found a teacher.
Are there many Toltec teachers who take personal apprentices?
When you begin to look, you will be surprised how many Toltec teachers there are doing workshops, writing books, hosting informative Web sites, and working with apprentices personally. Check Appendix B of this book for some possibilities.
“I was pretty surprised and pretty disappointed when he told me that he didn't believe in messing up my mind with plant medicine. He said the best thing for me to do was work at changing my mind a little at a time, to do it thoroughly, and be done with it. It didn't sound very exciting (like the desert thing) but something about him made me stick around. He was different — calm but energetic — hard to describe. I learned later he had a lot of personal power.
“So, anyway, the point of my story is, one day I went for a walk over at the town lake, because I knew I should be getting more exercise. My teacher had been talking about this idea of a child that was part of me, but I had pretty much blown off the idea. So, I'm walking fast, working out, getting my exercise, and totally in my head, thinking so fast I don't even know where I am.
“All of a sudden I hear this voice, like a kid, calling out my name, and saying ‘Hey, wait for me, slow down!’ I jerked around and, this is the truth, I wasn't hallucinating or anything, but sure enough, I saw this kid running up behind me, like in a dream. He reached out his hand for mine, and I couldn't help but do the same. The minute our hands touched, the whole world exploded into amazing colors and sounds. For the first time on the walk (or in my life?) I heard the creek gurgling, the birds chirping away, and I felt my body all alive and tingling.
“That is when I found out my teacher was telling the truth. That little kid was scared, because he was always getting left behind. But, man, he was also really alive! We got to be a team, and now we go everywhere together. We dig on the birds, sunsets, and little stuff like that. Wow, what a dream! Who needs peyote?”