While spankings may more quickly control a child who is repeatedly engaging in forbidden behavior, the fatal flaw is that the parent is controlling the child's behavior. Children need to learn to control their own behavior. Corporal punishment is controversial, but even some social worker champions of abused youngsters consider spanking to be a reasonable course of action in situations involving imminent danger, such as running into the street, reaching for a hot stove, provoking an animal, or running around a swimming pool.

They recommend an on-the-spot administration of three swats on the bottom with the open hand (never an object) accompanied by an explanation such as, “Running into the street is a no-no! It's dangerous!” Like hitting a puppy with a newspaper, the goal is for the sound of the swat and the parent's angry voice (not pain) to evoke the correct response to danger — fear.

Parents should not remove the child's clothes, since a hard hand against a soft bottom can cause bruising, which is considered abuse. Also, grabbing a toddler by the arm and jerking, or even holding on tightly while swatting, can cause spiral fractures if the child twists.

Parents who don't spank can usually elicit the same reaction by swooping the child away from danger while shouting, “Stay out of the street! It's dangerous!” and then refusing to comfort the crying child for a few minutes, saying, “No, I'm not giving you a hug right now. I'm upset. You're not supposed to run into the street!

”Relying on corporal punishment is a known risk factor for child abuse, perhaps because parents of strong-willed children find they must hit harder and harder to have an impact. Even if parents are not abusive, a common result is that children mimic their parents and relieve their frustrations by hitting others. If you think that hellion in the grocery store is spoiled rotten and needs a good spanking, you've probably got it backward, because frequent spanking is associated with poorer behavior, not better.

Although toddlers may appear to be learning self-control from lots of hard spankings, they may only be learning to be subservient to the parental thumb. As soon as children find themselves in a situation where the parent doesn't spank — for example, in public — toddlers' lack of self-control becomes evident. So there's a good chance that the parent with the out-of-control toddler in the grocery store is the most frustrated shopper on the scene and will spank the toddler as soon as they get to the car or arrive home.

Delayed punishments may relieve the parent's frustration, but a toddler's poor memory won't allow him to understand the reason he was hit. By the time the toddler is punished, breaking the pickle jar, refusing to stay in the cart, throwing a tantrum at the candy counter, and swinging on the metal rail in the check-out line will probably be just a blur for the parent, too. Even if the parent could recite the list of broken rules, the child wouldn't be able to remember all these no-no's the next time she's at the store.