When a parent physically moves a toddler's hand to provide assistance with a toy and then gushes, “You did it,” the parent is reinforcing the idea that this what the toddler is to do. When the toddler attempts to repeat the action on his own, she may fail. If so, that will undermine her self-esteem. Toddlers often show that they are feeling overwhelmed by suddenly abandoning the toy the parent has been trying to help them with.

Consider what would happen if a teacher placed a kindergarten student in a third grade arithmetic class and gave her the correct answers to ensure she passed the first test. It wouldn't take the student long to realize that she can't do long division problems on her own. At that point, she might want to give up on math altogether. Similarly, after a well-meaning parent tries to ensure that a toddler solves a problem he hasn't yet even fathomed, the tot is likely to become discouraged if he discovers he can't do it himself.

On the other hand, if a third grade student is trying to learn long division and is stuck, she certainly deserves more intensive assistance! Provide hands-on help if your child is trying to achieve a particular goal and is becoming frustrated, or signals a desire for help.