Essentials of the Perfect Sacred Space
Everyone's sacred space should be unique. Your space will be a reflection of your own individual preferences, interests, and personality. It should be a place where you feel at home, surrounded by things that make you happy. This space should hug you and envelop you, like a well-worn comfy shoe. So there is no “one size fits all” guideline for the perfect sacred space. However, there are some critical basic aspects of the sacred space that everyone needs to consider.
The most important area of the sacred space is, not surprisingly, the bed or wherever you plan to enjoy sacred sex with your partner. This is the centerpiece, the main focal point of the entire area. It should be inviting and exciting, the focal point of the room. It also needs to be a place where you will feel completely relaxed and open to sensual experiences. Make sure the bed has comfortable blankets or spreads and lots of pillows. Some people like to drape their headboard or the top of their bed with fabric, making a tent that evokes a royal, exotic feel.
Keep in mind, though, that there is no rule that says the bed has to be the area where all the action happens. You can also arrange a love nest of blankets and large soft pillows on the floor or in a corner of the room. If you are accustomed to the normal routine of making love in your bed, just this new and exciting aspect of the sacred space can add a stimulating spark.
One of the most important tasks when creating a sensual space is to pay attention to the lighting. Lighting makes a huge impact on our environment. Think about how hard it is to relax when you are in a room with extremely bright lights. By contrast, soft, muted lighting can make you feel calm and mellow. Lighting is especially important when it comes to a sacred romantic sanctuary. People naturally feel more relaxed when surrounded by soft lighting. (Not to mention, soft lighting is said to be more flattering and thus more comfortable for people who may be self-conscious about their body.)
Buy some bulbs specifically designed to give off soft light. If you can find them in a pleasing pastel color, that is a big bonus. At the very least, dim the lights for a cozier feel. Better yet, turn off the lights completely and rely on candlelight. It's very romantic!
Use Good Scents
One of our most powerful and sensitive senses is the sense of smell. After all, it is very tough to feel romantic if there is an unpleasant smell wafting through the air. On the other hand, an enjoyable smell — or one that evokes a pleasant image or memory — can trigger excitement and arousal.
The exact smell you want will depend on your tastes and that of your partner. Many people enjoy incense, which is available in a wide range of scents. The same goes for potpourri. Scented candles are also a good choice. Flowers can also make your sacred space smell wonderful.
Visit your local aromatherapy store and check out the wide variety of scented oils and other aromatic treats they have to offer. You will most likely discover several new exciting scents that will be the perfect addition to your space.
Don't be afraid to do something different. If both of you are addicted to chocolate, try to find some chocolate-scented candles. (Or create your own makeshift “chocolate perfume” by placing a dish of melted chocolate near a slowly turning fan.) Perhaps the two of you have great memories of your recent X-rated romp on a tropical beach. In that case, a simple whiff of suntan lotion might be all it takes to get things rolling. Many women joke that the smell of broiling steak is a major turn-on for their man. Go with whatever works.
Don't Skimp on the Sheets
If your sacred space is in a bedroom, you should pay extra attention to the sheets. Good sheets can make a huge difference in the overall experience. Many people feel sexy when lying on silk or satin sheets. But comfort is the key here: If you (or your partner) are always cold, you actually might find a good set of flannel sheets more enticing. The main thing is to invest in at least one really good set of sheets. But don't fall into the trap of wanting to protect your good sheets. Sure, you may have spent a pretty penny on them — but look at it as an investment in your sexual happiness. Don't be afraid to “mess them up.” When it comes to sheets, it's usually true that the messier they are, the more fun you've been having. So go wild — you can always wash the sheets later.
Music for Your (Sexy) Soul
Sound is another important aspect of creating a sacred space. Many people enjoy the sounds of soothing music. (There are even some CDs available specifically for Tantric rituals.) On the other hand, fast-paced music with a driving beat can get your blood pumping. Again, this will depend on your tastes. Some people enjoy jazz, while others might like the intense throbbing of heavy metal. A lot of people prefer instrumental music for romantic interludes — they find lyrics distracting and don't want to get caught singing along when they should be focused on more important things. For a peaceful, soothing mood, look for a CD that plays sounds of the ocean or forest.
You can find many CDs designed especially for Tantric lovemaking at major Web sites like
Choosing the right sexual soundtrack can really affect your romantic intensity. Some people like to adjust the music selections depending on the specific sensual activity taking place. During foreplay, many people like to go with a CD specifically designed for meditation or yoga, to encourage a leisurely relaxing pace. (Ask for these at your local record store.) While musical tastes may vary, few people enjoy getting romantic in total silence. At the very least, you might want to invest in a “white noise” machine to help block out the racket from the outside world.
Guide the Way
When preparing for a special encounter in your sacred space, it can be an exciting gesture to “pave the trail,” showing your partner the way. Make a trail of rose petals, chocolates, perhaps even a few sex toys or bottles of massage oil. Better yet, arrange a series of clues that your partner needs to solve in order to figure out the route to romance. It will be like a treasure hunt — with you as the treasure, of course. For an added touch of mystery and intrigue, hang a luxurious curtain or exotic-looking scarf across the entrance to your sacred space, clearly designating the “pathway to pleasure.”
Dress the Part
For the full effect, work your wardrobe into the decorating scheme of your sacred room. If you have an Asian atmosphere, donning a kimono or silk bathrobe will be the perfect touch. With a more wild space, a leather ensemble might be the perfect way to set the mood. Something loose fitting is usually more comfortable, but don't worry if the garment is slightly awkward or prickly — there's a good chance you might not be wearing it for very long. If you are feeling really ambitious, go all out and give yourself an entirely new look with some special makeup or maybe some flowers in your hair.
Change Things Up
Even the most wonderful space can become boring after a while, so be sure to make an effort to vary the surroundings occasionally. This does not need to involve a total renovation. Simply rearrange the furniture, change the lighting, or try a new color scheme. You will feel like you are in a totally different space — not to mention, you will keep your partner guessing. He won't know what to expect each time he enters the room.
A Change of Scenery
Don't have the time or money to create a totally new sacred space? No problem. Sometimes all it takes is a little change of scenery to make things seem exciting. If you want to create a magical evening, and you and your partner usually share romantic moments in the bedroom, try shaking things up by creating a temporary sacred space somewhere else — the living room, the office, or even the kitchen. As they say, variety is the spice of life, and varying your lovemaking location can certainly add some spice to your sex life.