Monogamy Versus Polyamory
A popular misconception about Tantric sex is the notion that it involves people having wild and reckless group sex at orgies and other sexual free-for-all events. While it is true that many Tantric practitioners do engage in wild sexual activities, this is an individual choice. Many Tantrics are focused on enhancing and strengthening that treasured romantic bond with one special partner. For most people, the main goal of studying Tantra, from a sexual standpoint, is to establish and nurture that intimate connection with one specific partner — to strengthen your bond as a couple. It is in keeping with the whole “union of forces” idea, the yin and yang concept upon which Tantra is based.
Polyamory
There is a relatively small segment of the Tantric community that practices a lifestyle known as polyamory — meaning, engaging in sexual relations with multiple partners.
People in a polyamorous lifestyle often have the viewpoint that people were destined to engage in a sexually open and flexible lifestyle. They often believe that monogamy is actually the more unnatural lifestyle choice and that, even if it is admirable in theory, it is nearly always impossible to maintain (perhaps evidenced by the high rates of infidelity among married couples).
It is tough to pinpoint a “typical” polyamorous couple, since (like any other couple) these couples tend to make up their own rules and circumstances according to their own needs and desires. It is important, however, to distinguish between polyamory and the basic “swinging” lifestyle. There is a difference. Polyamory in Tantra is about more than having multiple sex partners — there's a spiritual and love (not necessarily romantic love) connection that isn't a focal point in garden-variety multiple-partner sex. People who practice a polyamorous lifestyle will generally become offended if you refer to them as “swingers.”
Do not confuse polyamory with polygamy. Polyamory means having sexual relations with partners outside of your relationship (with your partner's knowledge). Polygamy, on the other hand, is the practice of being married to more than one person at the same time.
Polyamory's Roots
Polyamory dates back to ancient origins, when it was common for men — especially those in the upper echelons of society — to have sex with many women, sometimes in rapid succession or at the same time. Often, the man would have a group of consorts that he would rank according to their background, physical attributes, or other criteria. He would then make love to them in succession, starting with the lowest-ranking, allowing the highest-ranking consort to have the esteemed final position. (Customarily, despite having all of this sex with many women in a row, the man may not have ejaculated a single time, in keeping with the tradition of not wasting his valuable energy fluids.)
Types of Polyamorous Relationships
It is important to distinguish between polyamorous relationships and affairs. While it is true that married people having sex with someone other than their spouse does technically meet the definition of infidelity, those who practice the polyamorous lifestyle are quick to point out the differences. In this situation, there is no “cheating” because no deception is involved. One of the primary ground rules in these situations is that everything is done upfront and with full disclosure. There are several different varieties of polyamorous situations:
In a common approach, couples engage in threesomes with a partner they both choose and approve of. They may keep this same partner for ongoing repeated encounters, or choose a new partner for each encounter.
Taking the threesome a step further, they may engage in a foursome with another couple, where all parties are actively participating in the encounter.
It is also possible that the partners will each separately engage in sex with other people, while their partner does not participate (but may observe).
In some cases, the couple may actually establish a type of group relationship, almost like a communal partnership, where they take turns engaging in sex with partners within their tight-knit group, but do not welcome outsiders as partners.
Some polyamorous couples in the Tantric community regularly host and/or attend retreats or get-togethers specifically designed for “the sharing of love.” At these events, partners may select other people to have sex with, possibly while their partner joins in or watches.
