Singles
Most people probably think of Tantra — and Tantric activities — as something to be done as part of a couple. And while it is true that this can be a wonderful experience for a couple to share, there are many benefits to studying Tantra as a single person as well.
The Benefits of Studying While Single
By beginning your journey to learn about Tantra while you are single, you have some advantages over those new Tantrics who are in committed relationships. For one thing, this is a period in your life when you can — and should — focus on your own internal growth and spiritual nourishment. It is fine to be “selfish” and concentrate fully on your own needs right now.
Also, by evaluating your own wants, needs, and beliefs, you will have a better idea of the type of partner you need, and the type of person who will best complement you (the perfect yin to your yang). This can save you countless wasted nights on dates with people who are not a good match for you.
Perhaps most importantly, by studying Tantra from a solo standpoint before embarking on a new, serious relationship, you will be starting from a position of power, strength, and clarity. You will have achieved self-love and self-acceptance, both critical factors in maintaining a successful relationship. As the saying goes, “You can't love someone else until you love yourself.” By first taking the time to reach a happy and peaceful place in your life, you will be in prime position to start a happy beginning with someone else.
Many Tantra teachers believe it is easier to learn Tantra while single and then embark on a new relationship from a Tantric approach than it is to add Tantra to an existing relationship. This is because established relationships already have patterns and routines in place that can be tough to change, whereas with a new relationship you can start fresh.
Abandon Your “Ideal Mate” Ideas
There is another important reason why it can be helpful to explore Tantric ideas while you are single. The revelations and insight you gain through Tantra can be an eye-opener in relation to your romantic patterns and the roadblocks that prevent you from finding your soul mate. Most people go through life looking for their perfect man or woman, as they envision this elusive perfect person to be. They often limit their dating experiences to people who are their “type” and fit the preconceived image of what kind of mate they want.
This misguided strategy can be very detrimental to the process of finding happiness. Think about it: Obviously, your perfect type has not turned out to be such a great match for you, or you would not be single right now. Most likely, changing your mental image of Mr. or Ms. Right and broadening your dating horizons will prove to be a very good thing.
Keep in mind that at many Tantra events and workshops, it is common practice to pair up solo attendees with a partner of the opposite sex in order to practice various exercises and techniques. This can prove to be a valuable hands-on learning opportunity, but if it will make you uncomfortable, ask about this issue beforehand.
After exposing yourself to Tantric teachings, you may discover that you were going about this whole dating thing all wrong, taking an approach that was destined to leave you alone and unhappy. The image you have in your mind of your “perfect” mate is probably someone who in reality is totally wrong for you. Tantra may help you realize that you need to adjust your way of thinking. You will learn how to see what is truly important in a potential partner, and how to appreciate many different qualities in a person. You will also learn that many different types of people — even those who don't resemble your “perfect” mate in any way — can complement you in a way nobody else can. Who knows? You may come to the sudden realization that your true perfect partner has been right in front of your eyes the whole time, but you were not seeing clearly enough to realize it.
