Talking can be a real turn-on and a great part of foreplay. But we're not referring to talking about paying the electric bill or discussing little Timmy's orthodontist appointment. That kind of talking is far from sexy and can really put a damper on a romantic evening. The talking that enhances foreplay is the “whispered sweet nothings” kind. Take time for some pillow talk, where you tell your partner how sexy she is, how much you worship him, how aroused she makes you, etc.
It can also be very exciting to give your partner a preview of the exciting things to come. Tell your partner — in explicit tantalizing detail — exactly what you intend to do to her or him as the night progresses. This will build the anticipation and help get your partner aroused.
Another type of exciting foreplay talk? Fantasy sharing. Revealing your secret sexual fantasies can be very exciting. Take turns describing your most exciting fantasies.
Exchanging secret sexual fantasies can be a thrill, but establish a sense of trust first. Set some ground rules, such as that neither of you will ever criticize or make fun of the other's fantasy, no matter how shocking it may be. And always hold this information confidential. Never betray your partner's trust by disclosing their fantasies to anyone else.
Many people are hesitant to disclose their fantasies, for fear that their partner will laugh — or, worse, be shocked or disgusted. So you may need to coax your partner to open up about this.
Remember that there is a big difference between fantasy and reality — just because you find the thought or image of a particular activity arousing does not mean you actually want to carry out that scenario. For example, some people find it arousing to imagine having sex with a person of the same sex — but this does not necessarily mean they really want to engage in same-sex activities in real life. The same goes for fantasies involving group sex. (Some women may be reluctant to disclose these types of fantasies for fear their partner will then pressure them to carry out the actual activities, so it is important for you to reassure your partner that you can treat her fantasies as exactly that: fantasies that will not necessarily translate into real life action.) There is some middle ground here, though. For example, if your partner fantasizes about group sex but does not actually want to engage in it, you might suggest that he or she would be turned on by watching an X-rated film involving group sex.
An ABC News survey found young people are more likely to discuss fantasies with partners (71 percent of those ages 18 to 29 did, compared with only 49 percent of those 40 to 49). In addition, 21 percent of respondents fantasized about a threesome, while 10 percent fantasized about having sex at work. Surprisingly, 30 percent fantasized about cheating on their partner, although only half of those admitted to actually being unfaithful.