Stress Management Forever
You've got the tools. You've got the knowledge. But the days go by, and, somehow, there never seems time to do anything about it. Can't you start your stress management tomorrow … later … when you have time?
No, because you won't ever have time. Tomorrow will become today, later will become yesterday, and you'll still be just as busy as you are today. If you don't start to de-stress now, it may never happen.
Maybe you can't join a gym today. But can you take a walk? Maybe you can't overhaul your junk-food diet today, but can you order the chicken Caesar salad instead of the double bacon cheeseburger? Maybe you aren't up for meditation tonight, but can you go to bed a little bit earlier?
Any major life change starts with little steps. You can weave stress management into your life one thread at a time. Luckily, you can work a daily antistress regimen into your routine with very little effort while enjoying a big payoff. Anything you do to help relax your body and calm your spirit is a positive step.
To start establishing your new habits today, try doing just four little things every day. Only four, and they don't have to take very long. You can work them into your schedule in any way that works for you. You may already be doing some or all of them.
Do something good for your body.
Do something to calm your mind.
Do something to feed your spirit.
Do something to simplify your environment.
Doing one thing to maintain your sense of well-being in each of these categories each day is all it takes to begin a lifelong habit of stress management. What will you do? Any of the techniques listed in this book can be used to fit into these categories. You can even knock off two categories in one blow: Meditate for mental and spiritual maintenance. Then, add a brisk walk for physical maintenance and get rid of one stack of clutter you don't use or need.
Or, maybe you'll choose the body scan in the morning, yoga in the afternoon, twenty minutes of undisturbed quiet time listening to music in the evening, and dropping one of the activities in your life that you no longer enjoy.
Still too complicated? Eat a salad (body), turn off the television (mind), tell a friend how much you appreciate her (spirit), and throw away one thing you've been keeping around for no good reason (simplify).
One of the best ways to feel less stressed is to help somebody else relieve his or her stress. Helping and nurturing other people helps you to feel better about yourself. It also helps you to regain a sense of purpose and direction, which makes it a great activity for people who have retired from a job that used to provide that purpose and direction. Most communities have many opportunities for volunteering in a variety of areas. Find something that interests you and start helping yourself by helping others.
You probably already have some ideas of how you can work these four antistress steps into your day. Don't feel like you have to keep them the same each day, either. Part of the fun is changing them from time to time, if you thrive on change. If you love your rituals, doing the same things each day is fine, too.
There are other ways to keep your body, mind, and spirit well fed that take only minutes. You can work in exercise time, meditation time, and time for any of the other techniques listed previously in this book. In addition, in the following sections, we'll look at some quick, easy, and practically effortless ways to boost your daily antistress regimen to new heights of effectiveness. You'll feel special implementing these small changes … and you are!
Open to Change
If you are change-resistant, this is a good one for you. For some people, no change is a good change, but change is inevitable in life and is almost always stressful, even if it's stress that feels good. Becoming more open to change is an attitude shift. Start spotting changes and then finding one good thing about every change you experience.
Someone parked in your spot? You can get an extra few minutes of exercise by walking from a spot further away. It's good for your body! Your favorite restaurant is out of your favorite food? What a great opportunity to try something different. Your favorite television show is pre-empted? Another opportunity! Spend the evening reading a book or taking a walk or practicing a new stress management technique.
A recent study showed that stress management programs could reduce the risk of cardiac events such as heart attacks up to 75 percent in people who already have heart disease. Another study demonstrated that stress management may be even more effective than exercise for reducing cardiac risk.
Major changes are even easier. Any change, no matter how disturbing to you, can have its positive side, even if you can't find it right away. But finding the positive side isn't even the most important thing. The most important thing is a willingness to accept that, yes, things change and, yes, that you can go with the flow.
Passive, Aggressive, or Passive-Aggressive?
Some people tend to deal with stress passively, letting things happen to them without trying to control the situation. Others tend to be aggressive, taking their stressful situations forcefully in hand. The passive-aggressive among us forcefully control stress in a seemingly passive manner, by inflicting guilty feelings upon people or by subtly implying what they want while acting as though they don't care either way.
Each of these habitual methods of dealing with stress has its damaging effects. For the passive stress manager, stress can begin to feel like an uncontrollable force. While maintaining a passive attitude is sometimes recommended (in this book as well as elsewhere) for effectively managing the stressful changes inherent in life, too much passivity can engender a feeling of hopelessness.
If you give up, if you are not in control at all, then what good is it to try to live the way you want to live? If you are a hapless leaf being blown randomly about by the wind, what importance do you have? For the naturally passive, assertiveness training is in order. Chakra meditation can be an effective way to regain control over the things you really can control. Meditation may also help to clarify the areas of your life over which you really are lord and master.
For the aggressive stress manager, stress can begin to feel like a formidable foe to be vanquished, and while a gung-ho attitude can certainly be helpful in some situations, eventually it is physically and mentally exhausting. It also puts you on the defensive. You begin to feel as though fate is conspiring against you, throwing you one challenge after another, and that if you don't sock them all out of the ballpark with your great big bat, you'll be a great big failure.
For the naturally aggressive, meditation can be a healing tool as well as an enlightening experience into the nature of reality. A Zen approach may be particularly helpful. If things simply are what they are, if right now is the only reality, and if there is nothing to be improved upon, what is there to be aggressive about? Learning to accept rather than attack is a valuable stress management skill for aggressive types.
For the passive-aggressive stress manager, stress is something to subvert with trickery. Even if you don't fully realize it, you don't handle stress directly. You manipulate your circumstances underhandedly so that you can get what you need without feeling as though you've behaved inappropriately. This, too, can be an effective way to deal with certain kinds of stress. Sometimes the stress in life is best nuzzled into submission with flowers and candy.
But sometimes, the passive-aggressive way is simply indirect and therefore wholly ineffective. Like the mother who struggles into the house with an armload of groceries calling out, “Oh, my goodness, these groceries certainly are heavy; if only someone would give me a hand,” you don't ask for what you need. You just complain loudly and hope someone will step in unbidden and help you out. Like the stubborn teenager on the couch patently ignoring her mother's non-request, the stress in your life might just stay put. A direct acknowledgement of the stress you have and direct action to purge it from your life might be much simpler.
Only you can decide if you fall into any (or all) of these categories, and only you can begin to make the necessary changes to readjust your stress management approach. But, if you tend to be passive, aggressive, or passive-aggressive, you may not be handling your stress as well as you might.
Do your feelings of stress go in cycles?
Some people are more easily stressed at some times and less easily stressed at other times, no matter what is going on around them. On your calendar, keep track of how much stress you are feeling each day. Just write high, medium high, medium, medium low, or low on your calendar. After three months, see if you can spot any patterns. If you know when you are more likely to be stressed, you can be prepared and take precautionary measures by paring down your schedule and stepping up your relaxation efforts.
Stay Inspired
When life is stressful, the stress always seems easier, more manageable, if the circumstances lift you to heights of positive feeling. Staying inspired is key to maintaining the necessary energy, enthusiasm, and motivation for keeping your life on track, your stress in check, and your goals in sight.
For you, staying inspired might mean a commitment to a beloved hobby, starting your own business, learning something new, taking up an art form, writing a novel, volunteering, or staying in touch with inspiring friends. Whatever keeps you excited about the day, glowing with anticipation, and happy to be alive should be a priority. If you make time for your source of inspiration, you'll be happier and better able to handle “the stumbles along the path.”
The Daily De-clutter
Whether your house contains mountains of clutter or one messy surface in a back room out of view, clutter attracts stress. Just looking at clutter suggests clutter to the mind. While de-cluttering your entire garage, basement, or bedroom closet may be a monumental task to accomplish all at once, any big de-cluttering job can be accomplished in small steps.
Every day, spend five or 10 minutes — no more, unless you schedule ahead to spend a larger block of time — de-cluttering something. Maybe it will be that dump-it table by the front door, or the pile of laundry on top of the dryer, or one corner of your desk. Whatever it is, clear something out once each day and feel your mind let out a sigh of relief.
The Weekly Spa
Who says you have to go to a pricey spa at a resort? Sure, such a vacation is nice if you can manage it, but you can give yourself a mini spa every week in the privacy of your own bathroom. Give yourself a manicure, a pedicure, a facial, and a hair conditioning treatment. Soak in the bathtub with a splash of lavender oil, then moisturize from head to toe.
While you relax in your weekly spa, play tranquil music, soak by candlelight, burn incense in a scent you love, and think about things you love, beautiful places, calming images. You'll feel pampered, your skin will look great, and you'll be both relaxed and energized.
Family Time
Nothing renews you like time with the people you love, even if that time can also be stressful. People with strong family ties have a much larger base on which to rely in times of stress. Start building that base with regular family gatherings. The family that spends time together grows stronger together. Let family time be an important component of your stress management plan.
Quiet Time
Family is good, but time spent alone with yourself is equally important for physical, mental, and spiritual renewal. Let yourself reflect on you — who you are, what you want, where you are headed. Spend at least ten minutes each day in quiet reflection, with nobody else in the room. This healthy habit is an incredibly powerful stress management tool.
Loneliness is bad for your health! Loneliness and lack of social support trigger the release of stress hormones that suppress the immune system, and, according to some experts, a lack of social support is as bad for you as smoking, obesity, or not exercising. Lonely people are less able to fight off infections and may be more susceptible to serious diseases such as cancer.
Be Your Own Best Friend
Only you really know what you need. Only you can make it happen for yourself. Only you can decide what is good for you, what is bad for you, what can make your life better, or what will make it worse. Be an advocate for yourself. Stand up for what you need. If you don't manage your stress, who will? A best friend should know you like he knows himself. Be your own best friend, and that's exactly what you'll have.
