Female Stress Mismanagement Syndrome
Studies show that, when under stress, women are more likely than men to communicate with others and talk through their concerns. This is a healthy reaction to stress — remember friend therapy? — and a tendency women should be proud of. However, the reliance on others to be a source of advice and opinion can easily turn into something that actually becomes a source of additional stress.
Even in the twenty-first century, women tend (there are, of course, many exceptions) to be more concerned with how others perceive them than men are. Little girls are still encouraged (not necessarily by their parents but by others, including the television) to be passive, pleasing to others, helpful, polite, and a team player, and to learn the rules of socially acceptable behavior.
While little boys are also taught these things, in general, society as a whole tends to be more accepting of and make more excuses for boys who bend the rules a little or who aren't always quiet and polite. “Oh, boys will be boys. What are you going to do!” people are likely to imply with knowing smiles. Boys tend to get the message that independence, spirit, competitiveness, and even aggression are appropriate. Girls are rewarded for docility and social correctness.
Even if you encourage independence and assertiveness in your daughter, watch for signs that she is getting another message from her environment, including the media. Keep in touch and keep reminding her that she can excel at anything. Help foster her natural interests, whether they are traditional “girl interests” or not.
Because women learn at such an early age that how they look and how helpful and agreeable they are impact how they will be judged, women sometimes overemphasize appearance and socially acceptable behavior, perpetuating the stereotypes of which they are the victims.
Society continues to reward us for doing so. The price is an unreasonable level of stress if we are seen looking bad; do something rude; work at a job that has traditionally been dominated by men; keep a messy house; attempt to supervise unruly children; are an assertive and take-charge boss, manager, or CEO of a company; or (believe it or not) are professionally successful at all! What will people think? What will people say?
To conquer female stress mismanagement syndrome, you don't have to start undermining your own good habits, but it is a good idea to practice doing things for yourself and the people you care about, rather than focusing on the judgments and opinions of people you hardly know. Whenever you are feeling stressed about what someone else thinks (or what you think someone else thinks), ask yourself these questions:
Panic disorder is twice as common in women as in men. It most often begins in young adults and is characterized by repeated, unexpected panic attacks with both physical and emotional symptoms such as fear, chest pain, racing heart, shortness of breath, and abdominal distress. Nobody knows for sure what causes panic disorder; however, it is treatable.
Am I really bothered by what someone else thinks, or am I bothered because secretly I agree with them? (If this is true, reframe your worries from your own point of view.)
Am I stressed about what others think out of habit? Do I really care?
What is the worst thing that could happen if somebody doesn't approve of me?
What do I really think is important in this situation, regardless of anybody else's opinion?
It's nice to know how to be polite and how to help others. It's nice to know how to keep your house neat and cook a satisfying dinner. But it's also nice to achieve career success, be independent and spirited, know how to get what you need in life, and not have to depend on anybody else to take care of you. People who don't see your positive qualities have narrow vision.
