Who Has a Say?
Determining when you should meet your boyfriend's children is up to your boyfriend, their mother, you, and the children. If there is court involvement, the courts may have say in this as well; however, if the biological parents feel the time is right, the courts will usually agree. If the other biological parent is deceased, there may be another custodial figure or involved family member (such as a parent or the parents of the deceased parent) who has input.
Deciding When It's Time
You may have seen pictures of the children and think they are cute. You may be eager to meet them. However, by meeting the children you are suggesting quite a bit about your relationship with your boyfriend. Meeting his children brings the relationship to an entirely different level. At this point, you haven't really existed in the children's lives and have likely been brought up in a conversation, but that is it. Once the children have met you, your role changes as well. Now you are someone who is attached to their father and may be around more often.
Your boyfriend may want to wait to see where he thinks your relationship is going. If he sees a future for the two of you, he may feel that the time is right to bring you into his children's lives. If he doesn't want you to meet them, it doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't see a lasting relationship for the two of you. It could be that they aren't ready to meet you, their mother isn't ready for them to meet you, or simply that he is waiting for a time he thinks is right for everyone.
Be sure to find out if the child has any food or insect allergies. If there is an allergy, ask to be trained to use an epi-pen and double check that it is with you or your partner at all times. Also, educate yourself about where and what the child can and cannot eat.
Their mother may have concerns about you meeting her children for many reasons, but most likely she wants to protect the children's emotional well-being. When a parent lets a child form a new relationship with another adult, the parent usually wants to be sure that the benefits of this relationship outweigh any negatives. Some parents may even wish to meet you first to see if they think you would be an appropriate adult for their children to meet.
The children also need to be ready to meet you; they are perhaps the most important people to ask whether they are ready to meet their father's new girlfriend. If they meet you before they are ready, it is going to be more difficult for them to form a positive relationship with you or for you to make a favorable impression on them.
Once your boyfriend, their mother, and the children are ready to meet you, it is your turn to determine whether or not you are ready.
