Stepfathers and Stepsons
These relationships are rarely shown in the media, and if they are the stepfather is usually drunk and abusive to the mother, and the stepson is emotionally scarred for life. There is one film that portrays such a wonderful stepfather/stepson relationship that it is worth watching: Love Actually. In this film, the love shared between a man and a boy is such a healthy portrayal that parents everywhere may benefit from watching. Both the stepson and stepfather are struggling with the loss of the stepson's biological mother and they help each other find and pursue new love. It is a bit of a fairy tale story; however, the dynamics of the relationship are worth observing.
If your stepson lives with you and his mother, he may find it easier to speak with you about subjects like puberty, dating, shaving, and body odor. It may just seem more natural for him to talk with you, especially if he doesn't spend much time with his biological father. If he does see his biological father often, or live with him, he may save most of his concerns for his father. It may be helpful for him to have a second opinion, however, and you may be the man for the job. If this is true, try not to negate or put down any of the advice he gleaned from his father. Instead, add to the advice or contribute your own advice while appreciating his father's advice as well.
My stepson is having a difficult time dealing with the fact that he has two stepfathers. I am in a relationship with his biological father, and my stepson is getting teased at school and by his other stepfather. What can I do?
You and your partner may wish to speak to school administrators and to the other biological parent and stepfather about your concerns. When speaking with the other biological parent and stepfather, emphasize that the teasing or statements of non-acceptance of your lifestyle only hurt your stepson. Most important, however, is to continue speaking to your stepson about how much you love him and support him.
Another stereotype you may wish to avoid is that you will become the disciplinarian simply because you are a male in the house. Instead of becoming just another person to discipline and manage your stepson, try and encourage your partner to take on a fair share of the discipline. You may find it beneficial to focus on building a relationship that is more focused on guiding, role modeling, and mentoring than discipline. If your partner struggles with discipline and expects you to take over, discuss with your partner your desire to build a loving relationship with your stepson first. A healthy, positive relationship may help with any behavioral issues more than constant discipline. Support your partner's discipline efforts, and hopefully your partner will support your efforts to build and nurture a relationship.
