When You Are Close in Age to Your Stepchild
You are not your stepchild's friend. Your stepchild may see you that way and you kind of can be, but this will make it hard to draw the line between discipline and friendship. For example, if you are twenty-three years old and your stepdaughter is seventeen years old, it is not okay to check out her and her friends at the pool, or buy them alcohol, or have parties with your friends and hers. You are still in an adult role and she is a minor in your care.
It is also not okay for your stepchild to see you drunk or half dressed. The closeness in age just makes everything a little awkward, and you will need to hold yourself as an adult at all times. It can be very stressful for you. It may seem totally natural to befriend your stepchild, but you need to remember that you may be the one who grounds her when she is out too late. Or you may have to go to a school conference if your partner and the other biological parent aren't available. Not only do you need to be mature, you may also have to deal with the surprise or comments of other adults.
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Many teenagers may actually have a big issue with you being so close in age to them. It may seem weird to them that one of their parents is dating someone who could be their friend. This is an issue your partner will need to work out with your stepchild. There may be some hostility on your stepchild's part. He may find it ridiculous to take orders from you or follow any of your rules because you could have been in high school with him. It is understandable that he feels this way. You will need to be firm and set clear boundaries. At this time, you are an adult caretaker and he needs to respect you as one, as long as you respect his difficulty with the situation. If he is having a considerably difficult time with this, your partner might need to step in and take over the discipline and boundary setting for the time being. However, he should not do so in a way that sends the message you are incapable or that you do not warrant respect as a parental figure. Your stepchild might not be comfortable with you as a parental figure and might respond better to your partner until you have been in the picture for a longer period of time.
