Here come the hormones again! Puberty is not a joyous occasion for anyone. It brings acne, mood swings, voice changes, boobs, periods, and all that fun stuff. And of course, puberty hits everyone differently. Your stepson may be a peanut at twelve and still one at fourteen, when all his friends have had their growth spurts and voice changes. This is tough on self-esteem.

At twelve, your stepdaughter may be the first of her friends to get her period. She may also develop last and not really need a bra, while the rest of her friends are out shopping together for bras. Puberty is one of the things that can really affect their social lives and is really out of their control. The teenager with acne may find she has no date to homecoming. The teenager with boobs may find she is asked out on many dates and all her friends decide she is a slut. This is the kind of nonsense that puberty brings. Your most important job is still supporting your stepchild and being open to discussing concerns she may have about the changes taking place.

Your Role

Your role in the puberty of your stepchild will be greatly impacted by the gender of your stepchild and your own gender. If you are the stepfather of a daughter, leave her alone. Do not show your embarrassment when she starts developing. Do not tease her about her boobs or bras. Do not remark that she must have her period on days that she is cranky. Love her, don't be afraid of her, but don't be insensitive either. As embarrassed as you may be by changes going on in her body, she is more embarrassed. As a stepfather with a stepson, you may feel more comfortable being more involved. You can give him tips on shaving, using deodorant, shampooing his hair, and basic hygiene information.

Depending on the involvement of the biological mother, if you are the stepmother of a daughter you may do a lot of the period work. You may have to have that conversation with her and be the one to have an ongoing supply of tampons, pads, cramp relievers, or any other period-related item. You may also have to protect her father a bit from this situation. Here is where secrecy is okay. If she is mortified every time she gets her period, you really don't need to tell her father about it. If she has really bad periods, you can tell him she needs to see the doctor, but you don't need to go into detail with him. You may also get to buy her first bra. Again, Dad doesn't need to know all the details.

If you are the stepmother of a son, you may have to help him navigate the ladies, help him with his skin if it is a problem, and support him through his growing pains. If hygiene seems to be a major issue, talk to your partner about having that conversation with him. Don't tease him about girls, or his straggly mustache, or armpit hair; that can be very embarrassing. Respect your stepchild, and make puberty as painless as possible.