You may find that you were not raised the way your stepchild is being raised, or that you did not raise your own biological children the way your stepchild is being raised. In many cases, you don't have the right to say much of anything. If your children were raised on breast milk only, it is not up to you to tell the biological mother of your stepchild that she is any less of a parent for using formula. It is her decision. If your partner would prefer your stepchild be entertainted with classical music instead of television, do not “sneak” television time in when she is at the grocery store. The biological parents are still the primary decision makers in the child's life. If you are bringing a great deal of experience to the table, you can suggest certain approaches if they seem to be struggling, but don't be a know-it-all or try to impose your ideas on them when they are not invited.

Abuse

One of the only times you must make a stand as far as commenting on parenting is if you suspect or know there is some sort of abuse going on by either one of the biological parents. If it is the other biological parent, you need to discuss the situation immediately with your partner. In a case that already has court involvement, call your attorney or court-appointed social worker to make them aware of the situation. Follow their guidelines as far as continuing visitation or keeping the child with you. If the case does not already have court involvement but abuse is occurring, you can call the child protective services agency in your area and report the abuse. If you do not call or take steps to protect your stepchild, the office of protective services can find you guilty of neglect or abuse.

Remember, you are protecting the child, and in abusive situations the child is your number one concern. Do NOT try to mediate the situation yourself or go to the other biological parent's house and threaten her or hurt her in any way. It is best to have outside agencies deal with these situations. Often, they will lead to court proceedings, and it is best to follow whatever the outside agencies recommend.

If the abuser is your partner, you must tell the other biological parent, or tell the authorities and have them tell the other biological parent. Remove yourself and your stepchild from the situation immediately, either by leaving the house or calling the police. Similar to the above situation, if you allow the abuse to continue, you are guilty of abuse and neglect as well, and may have your own biological children removed from your care. Your partner may be very angry if you report him, and you may feel that you have betrayed him; however, you must continue to do what is best for the child, and if necessary, put your relationship with your partner on hold until he has gotten the help he needs.