Dealing with Extended Families
Your stepchild may have four very involved extended families: his biological mother's, biological father's, the other stepparent's family, and yours. Juggling all of these families can get rather hectic, but can also be a great base of support for your stepchild. It will probably make holiday planning a bit time intensive, but it can also force everyone to spend time together for the sake of spending time with your stepchild.
Whenever you are planning a party always be sure to find out if there are any food allergies amongst any of the guests. This is especially true for guests from the other biological parent's side. You don't want anyone to accuse you of trying to purposely harm anyone else. It doesn't necessarily mean you need to avoid certain foods all together, but you may need to label all food items clearly so people know the ingredients.
Family Get-Togethers
Birthdays may be the event that brings everyone together each year. You may decide to have separate birthday celebrations if you really do not get along well, but if you can manage, attempt to have one all together. This is a great way to learn tips about your stepchild that you do not know but his stepfather's mother noticed. It is an opportunity to get to know the other important adults in your stepchild's life and for them to get to know, and hopefully appreciate, you. It also represents to your stepchild that he has many people who care about him. Hopefully, this will start a pattern for the adults where they set their differences aside to celebrate the child.
As far as your extended family goes, include them as much as is comfortable for the biological parents. Since this is your stepchild, he is technically their stepgrandchild, stepniece, or stepnephew. He may be at family get-togethers and events, so your extended family should know who he is and welcome him when he is in attendance. If any of your extended family has issues with him being around, you will need to stand up for your stepchild as you would your partner. By entering into this marriage, you accepted your husband and his child, and they need to work on doing the same. Hopefully, they will welcome your stepchild and include him in the family as they would any other child.
If your extended family is going to participate in childcare or babysit from time to time, it is important that both biological parents feel comfortable with this. In this case, the other biological parent may want to meet your niece or your mother before you have her babysit. If she does feel comfortable with your choice of babysitter, she may even use your niece herself or ask if you know any other capable child-care providers.
