Hopefully, they care about you. They might not, though, and if that is the case, don't push it. If they are well into adulthood, they might be wrapped up in their own lives and not have time to take an interest in you. As long as they see you as someone who is supportive of their mother and they see their mother as happy, they will probably trust her judgment and leave well enough alone. Situations where they might be more wary of you include when their mother has been married and hurt a few times by other partners, if their mother has a large amount of money, or if you have been married and divorced multiple times. They also may be rather skeptical if you are significantly younger than their mother. Hopefully, they are only looking out for their mother's best interest and not their own. If past partners have hurt their mother frequently, all you can do is be the best person you can be in the relationship. Be thoughtful, respectful, and kind. Think about how you would feel if your mother was dating or marrying someone new. You would probably want them to be nice to her and treat her well. This is how your stepchildren may feel.

Consider a Prenup

If your future stepchildren's mother has a large amount of money, you might consider having a prenuptial agreement written. If you do not plan on divorcing her, it may only help the relationship between you and your stepchildren, thus making it a happier time for your partner and you. It may indicate to your stepchildren that your desire is to marry their mother regardless of her economic status. This can alleviate so much tension that it may be well worth it.

Your stepchildren may also be worried that they will be left out of their mother's will, or you will end up spending their inheritance. In this case, they may not be looking out for their mother's interest, but for their own. You may not get very far pointing this out to them or arguing with them about it. If they only see you as someone who will get in the way of their money and are not able to see how happy you make their mother, it won't do you much good to fight with them about it. You and your partner should discuss how best to approach this issue. If they want to fight about it, you can simply say, “I love your mother and I believe we make each other very happy. If you are concerned that I do not make her happy or that I somehow take away from her happiness, I would like to know. My goal is to make your mother happy in any way that I can. If you are concerned about your mother's money that is a conversation you really need to have with your mother.” Now this may sound as if it puts a lot of pressure on your partner, but they are her children and they are taking out their disagreement with her on you. You and your partner should discuss the best approach to this issue.

If you have been married and divorced numerous times, a prenuptial agreement can be helpful here as well. If marrying and divorcing seems to be a pattern for you, make sure you are ready to make this commitment. Even though your stepchildren will be adults, they will still feel the effects of a marriage and then a divorce, especially if it negatively affects a parent for whom they care deeply.

Concerns Regarding Care for the Parent

Adult stepchildren have every right to inquire about your intentions regarding their parent. As children become adults, they will see their parents as people for whom they will eventually need to care. If you are going to disrupt this in any way or make it more difficult to give their parent the care she needs, they may not trust you. If, however, you can help them in caring for their parent and bring her joy, they will probably be fine with the marriage. If you are failing in health, they may be a little intimidated by taking on your care as well as their other parents'. It is scary to see your parents age for many reasons, and having more than just their biological parents to take care of may be overwhelming. You should also not expect them to care for you, although in many cases they will by choice. To be safe, make arrangements as you get older to obtain any care you may need.