Creating a Consistent Pattern of Discipline
Consistency in discipline is the key to success. It can be challenging to implement, but very rewarding once it has become a pattern. The biggest obstacle to consistency is not kids, but adults. Adults get lazy, tired, and frustrated. It can be a lot easier to give in to a child when you have had a long day. You cannot be lazy about discipline, and neither can the other disciplinarians in the child's life. Will you have an off day every now and then? Probably, but the less this happens the easier it will be to discipline your stepchild.
One of the best examples of consistency in discipline is seen in classroom management. If you reflect on your own schooling or have recently visited a classroom, you may have noted that teachers who are clear about classroom expectations often have calmer classrooms. The teacher who always makes his students raise their hands before asking a question will have a quieter classroom. If he consistently does not respond to students who talk out of turn, the students will learn to raise their hands. Teachers often have charts or posters on their walls that break down expectations and describe in detail exactly what will happen if those expectations aren't met. As long as these signs are not just for show, this teacher probably has a well-managed classroom.
You don't really expect me to write these rules down, do you?
Yes! They don't have to be displayed for the world to see at all times, but having a written rule book that is easily accessible can be helpful to everyone. When someone does slide, you may be surprised to see who points out the consequences in writing.
When kids know the expectations and the adult is consistent, kids feel safe. Feeling safe creates an environment where even the most hyperactive student doesn't feel the need to act out. Classrooms that are poorly managed, with teachers who let kids slide here and there, do not feel safe for students. They do not know when they will get in trouble for certain actions or when the teacher will look the other way.
Implementing a strict but fair code of discipline is exhausting at first, but more so for you than for your stepchild. Is he going to push every limit and test you to see if you are consistent? Probably. Will he “tell on you” if you do let something slide that his biological parent did not, even if he begged you to let it slide? Absolutely. This is one of the reasons it is important for everyone to maintain the same rules and consequences. Any variation in the consequences is an issue you will have to deal with on an adult level. Kids crave consistency and order, and you and your partner need to stay united when you discipline.
