Involving Stepchildren in the Process
A great way to involve your stepchild in the moving process is to include him in the selection of a new home, a bedroom in a home that is new to him, or even picking paint colors. Every child should have input into where the family will live, even if it is not a deciding factor. Moving can be quite disruptive to a child, so you need to handle this with care. The whole moving process can make for great bonding and a true feeling of inclusiveness for your stepchild.
Keep Parent Time Alive
Another way to make your stepchild more comfortable is to be sure his alone time and time with your partner do not decrease. He may feel like he is being pushed out of the picture and doesn't know if he is still important in his parent's life. Many children are nervous that they will somehow be replaced or forgotten about once their parent is in a serious relationship. When you do move in, this can inadvertently happen. Try to notice if it is happening. A trip to the grocery store for your significant other may now involve you, where before he used to go with his son. Keep little things like this in mind, and try to keep rituals consistent — especially at the beginning. Over time, you will develop your own rituals as a family, and past rituals may change to include you.
Remember that there are other adults in your stepchild's life who might be able to help support him through all these changes. School teachers, coaches, and any other supportive adults can be helpful to your child if they are aware of the situation. It doesn't mean the adults should intervene; however, making them aware of any changes can prepare them for any out-of-character behavior by your stepchild.
If your stepchild is already feeling threatened, however, do not intrude upon these rituals. Your significant other may insist that you join in with certain rituals, but if you notice your stepchild is not happy about this, refrain from participating for now. It is a great time to have a conversation with your partner about how you have noticed that his child really treasures time with his father, and you wish to respect that. In his haste to have everyone getting along and being a family, it will be easy for the biological parent to forget that one-on-one time with his child is also important to the success of this new family unit.
Food and Mealtimes
The refrigerator and pantry could actually have their own book. Food is central to most people's lives. It is how we live, socialize, celebrate, reward, and nourish. Food really shouldn't be used as a reward, and even using it to celebrate can lead to future eating habits that are not conducive to one's health. Food is, however, very important to the household. In many instances, you may not only be stirring a pot of different personalities, but also of different diets. You may be a meat and potatoes guy; your wife, a believer in high protein diets; your stepdaughter, a cheese lover; and your stepson, an organic vegan. How on earth do you shop for all of these different tastes? Do you really need to buy that organic tofu? Yes! You need to feed everyone, and you want to build a happy, healthy kitchen. In order to do this, you cannot only cater to yourself — shop for everyone in the family. It is very likely you will have to encourage everyone to compromise a bit, but catering to everyone's needs will be worth it.
Food is something people find comfort in, and having what you want to eat is a way of feeling nourished and included. If your stepchildren are only there on the weekends, make sure you stock the kitchen with foods they enjoy. They will know you didn't forget about them if there is evidence that you thought of them while grocery shopping. Regardless of how often your stepchildren are there, mealtime is a key time for the family unit. It is a way of bringing everyone together to share the goings-on of the day. When cooking dinner, incorporate everyone's needs into the meal. This may mean some major creativity, but it could open up many new tastes for everyone. If you live with your stepchildren full time, consider assigning cooking duty once a week for each member of the family. If your stepchildren are too young or too busy, have them pick out a meal they would like to try and cook it for them.
There are ways of compromising that will make everyone feel included and respected in the house. It is amazing how much food can impact someone's comfort level. Food is a way of connecting with people and taking risks with one another on new meals. Creating a kitchen and mealtime that are all encompassing will help build stronger relationships within the family.
