Give Your Stepchild Time to Adjust
If you are moving in immediately following a marriage, it is probable that you explained both situations at the same time. If, however, you are simply moving in and marriage may be in the future, then the moving-in discussion should happen before the move-in date has arrived. It is best for your significant other to tell his child alone or with the other biological parent. No matter how well you get along with your stepchild, he may feel pressure to act happy or excited if you are there during the moving-in conversation. If he is immediately excited and thrilled, you can plan to go out and celebrate later that day or week, but for the actual conversation, it is best that he have private time with his parents to react in a way that he needs.
If your stepchild is not happy that you will be moving in, it shouldn't stop your plans; however, this new concern may change the timeline or housing configuration you had in mind. This is why it is best to start the moving-in discussion earlier, instead of close to the move-in date. In case your stepchild is extremely upset, you may have to delay moving in or figure out a visitation schedule that will ease the child into the idea of you living with his parent. You do need to respect your stepchild's feelings, but you also need to live your life and respect your relationship with your significant other.
Give your stepchild space to adjust, but do not let him manipulate the situation and make you feel as though you cannot spend time in your own home. It is important that you also feel comfortable at home and get to spend time there!
With teens and tweens especially, you may find that you need to work out a system at the beginning of the relationship where you are not as visible when the move-in occurs, but as time goes on, you spend more and more time together at home. With younger children, you might need to make your presence known a bit more, and encourage more time spent together either with you alone or as a family. Younger children might have a hard time getting used to you and the idea of everyone living together. By being present with him and consistent about when you will be home and what your routine will be, your stepchild will have an easier time understanding what to expect from you as a part of his household.
