As mentioned above, your stepchild's needs dictate a great deal of what your role will be. He might feel the need to have you continue to attend all of his baseball games or help him with his homework once a week. He might also decide that seeing you occasionally is fine, but communicating via e-mail is enough for day-to-day interaction. As long as your stepchild's needs are at the forefront of your and your partner's concerns, you should be able to craft a relationship that is livable for both of you as well.

If your breakup is amicable, you can allow your stepchild to voice what he would like as a relationship and then work on the logistics. If the breakup is difficult, you and your partner might have to step in and set ground rules. For instance, your partner might not want to see you, and can only tolerate a quick exchange to drop your stepchild off with you. Also, your partner might only want you to see your stepchild at large functions so he is not stuck in situations where the two of you have to do too much communicating.

If your partner is greatly hurt by something you did that caused the breakup, he might not want you around his child at all. Your actions might have hurt your stepchild as well, and your partner might want to protect him from any further pain. If this is so, you need to respect your partner's wishes and your stepchild's emotional state.

When your breakup is one that occurs after a long relationship, you might find that you and your stepchild wish to stay close. You can take on a mentoring role and continue to connect with him as he grows up. If your stepchild does not feel the need to continue a relationship, you might just want to check in from time to time via your partner, asking how his year has gone or if he needs anything where you can be of assistance. Giving your stepchild your contact information if that is okay with your partner is also a possibility. If he is old enough, he might feel comfortable reaching out to you himself. Sending gifts for events is appropriate if your partner agrees, and you might find you are invited to major milestone celebrations.

Whatever role you take on, make sure you do not, under any circumstances, try to find out information about your partner or badmouth your partner to your stepchild. There is no reason for your stepchild to be involved in your drama with his parent, and pulling him into it will only disrupt any relationship you had with your partner to a greater degree.