Be Ready for What You Are Getting Into
Dating a parent when you are not one can either seem like a piece of cake or completely intimidating. It should be somewhere in the middle. All of your time with each other shouldn't be consumed with the fact that your new beau has a child; however, it should be at the back of your mind with every decision you make about your position in the relationship and every decision you make as a couple concerning your relationship.
Honesty Is the Best Policy
This is what you need to be ready for and willing to accept before moving to the next level and possible stepparenthood. If you do not like children or see them as part of your future, it is up to you to be respectful enough to tell this person before pursuing the relationship. Children will always be a part of his life, and if you do not like children, he may not be the right match for you.
If you are simply nervous about dating a parent because it is uncharted territory for you, don't be hasty; think about giving it a chance. It is important to listen to these fears, but more important to investigate why you have them. Are you afraid that you will go from single to Mommy? Are you afraid that the ex will hate you? Are you intimidated because your new boyfriend will always be tied in some way to a significant other from the past? These are all valid fears and concerns; however, most can be put to rest with some solid communication between the two of you. No one should expect you to take the place of a parent who has died, moved away, or is no longer in the picture. That is not going to happen no matter how badly anyone wants it. You are not the child's mother, and never will be.
Will the ex hate you? Maybe, and this is something to be openly curious about with your new boyfriend. Is he using you to make her jealous? Are games going on between the two of them? Is she dangerous? If you answered yes or even maybe to any of these questions, it sounds like he isn't ready and may not be the best boyfriend right now.
Are you intimidated by the idea of another woman? You need to get over that one because he will always be tied to her in some way, and your potential stepchild may look and act just like her. You need to shore up your self-confidence and recognize that he is with you for certain reasons, and things did not work between them for some reason.
What if I can't get past the fact that he was intimate with someone else and I hate that they get along so well?
It may be time to look into counseling or self-esteem building workshops. This is not going to go away once you are married — marriage won't change your self-image, self-esteem, or insecurities.
The number one thing to realize and understand is that you are dating someone who may have emotional baggage, but more importantly, he brings a whole other person to the relationship. If you are not prepared to include this other person in your decisions and life in general, then you may not be ready to date a parent. This other person, your potential stepchild, brings another biological parent, another family, a range of emotions, history with your new boyfriend, and the opportunity for an incredibly rewarding relationship. But please, for the sake of everyone's emotional health, think hard about your readiness to take on a relationship with an added person to consider.
