Holiday Ideas with Your Stepchild
Who spends which holiday where will depend primarily on the custody arrangement. It is likely that these arrangements have been made prior to your arrival. It is helpful for everyone to know the plan ahead of time so they can schedule their holiday festivities. If you can plan holidays far in advance, you will prevent a great deal of confusion and avoid potential arguments. Once you have planned them, put them in writing and remind each other who goes where before the holiday arrives.
Sharing Holidays
Most parents want to be with their child on the big holidays. If the court is not involved and there is no fixed schedule, you may have to compromise. Perhaps the child can spend Thanksgiving with Mom one year then Dad the next, or he could spend every Thanksgiving with Mom and every Christmas with Dad. Families choose different plans for different reasons, but you can still celebrate the holiday with your stepchild even if he is not there on the actual day.
Stressful holidays require creativity. If you know your holiday schedule for the year, it will be easier for you to be creative. If you will not see your stepson on Thanksgiving, consider having a second Thanksgiving by cooking a turkey a week or even a month before or after.
When he goes to his other biological parent's house, you could call and ask if you could send over a dessert or flowers. If the answer is no, respect that, but if it is yes, this can be a way of being involved and contributing to your stepson's holiday without being there.
Lizzie Capuzzi, a daughter and stepdaughter, is credited with creating the official Stepmother's Day. Lizzie wrote a letter to her state senator requesting a holiday to celebrate her special relationship with her stepmother. His response was to announce on the Senate floor that the “Sunday after Mother's Day would now be Stepmother's Day.” Read the story online.
Holidays also provide a perfect opportunity to get your stepson involved with your extended family. If Easter is a big holiday for your biological family, see if you can incorporate your stepchild into your family's traditions. Maybe your parents have a huge egg hunt in their neighborhood for all their grandchildren; if so, bring your stepson along and begin to include him as part of the family. It may seem awkward at first, but, after a while, he may become one of the regulars and even look forward to spending time with your extended family.
Mother's Day and Father's Day may be the most emotionally loaded holidays in stepfamilies. Cards and gifts designated for stepmoms and stepdads are available; however, it isn't a holiday you should expect to be all about you. Instead, remind your stepchild that these holidays are coming and help him brainstorm ideas for his biological parents. If he happens to buy you a card or gift enjoy it; but if he does not, don't worry — it may only mean that he thinks of you in a way that is different from the way he thinks about his biological parents.
Combining families of different faiths can be challenging, but it can also open up many possibilities with respect to celebrating holidays. Encourage children in the family to educate other family members — stepsiblings, stepgrandparents, and other biological parents — about different religious traditions celebrated in their families. This can be very fun for everyone. If the biological parents are arguing about which religious traditions to celebrate, let the biological parents handle the decision making.
Stepsiblings
If you have brought a biological child into the relationship as well, be sure to work on coordinating the holidays so this child has an opportunity to celebrate at least some holidays with his half-siblings and/or stepsiblings. Holidays can often help half-siblings and stepsiblings bond by providing celebratory time together.
Unfortunately, holidays can also be difficult times for stepsiblings. If a stepchild is only there during visitation and your biological children live with you, your stepchild may feel that he doesn't fit in at the house and holidays may feel more stressful than happy.
This brings up the importance of your stepchild feeling as if your home is his home as well. If he has somewhere to sleep when he is there, a toothbrush that stays at the home, and his favorite foods in the kitchen, then he is probably in a good frame of mind to enjoy holiday celebrations. This same scenario can unravel in the opposite way as well.
If you feel as though you do not see your stepchild enough because he doesn't live with you, you may overcompensate by buying him extra gifts, cooking only what he likes, or paying more attention to him. It is a tricky balance. Your child and your stepchild will usually point out if they are feeling left out, but be sure to learn from your mistakes!
