Assuring That Your Stepchild Does Not Feel Outnumbered
Families that include one stepchild and a number of biological children who are full siblings to one another but only half-siblings to the stepchild are often the families where a stepchild may feel outnumbered. She may not feel as if she has the bond her siblings share, she may be the only one who leaves the family unit to visit another entire family, or she may be only with her half-siblings during visitation. Visitation times under those circumstances can be challenging. If she lives with half-siblings, she may feel she is missing what may be key family time with her siblings, you, and your partner. If she only visits with her half-siblings, she may feel as though she is perpetually an outsider. If possible, your partner and the other biological parent may want to sit with her and figure out a visitation schedule where she doesn't feel as though she is missing key events or not around enough to feel like part of the family.
Keep Your Stepchild Involved
No matter where your stepchild lives, keep her involved in everything. If you are going to have a family meeting about an upcoming vacation, make sure she is there. If she lives too far away to be there, talk to her on the phone throughout the meeting. If you are planning an event, make sure it is for a day she is available. Keep her informed of everything in the works. The smallest events may feel like big deals to her if she is not able to be there for them. A quick dinner after the state science fair may sound boring to you, but exciting to your stepchild. Any time that may offer family bonding time should include your stepchild as often as possible. Extended family should also be reminded to embrace her as they do your own children. If your parents buy your biological children a necklace on Valentine's Day, your stepchild should get one as well. If you can keep the field as equal as possible for all the children in the family, everyone is likely to feel more included.
Work with the other biological parent to keep your stepchild's visitation days busy and fun. She is going to feel less left out of her residential family if she is occupied and having a great time with whichever parent she is visiting. This can be hard work for the parent who has visitation, but it can also help your partner or the other biological parent avoid taking visitation times for granted, and instead put effort into keeping them fun.
Help Maintain a Bond with Your Partner
It is also important for your stepchild to feel as though the bond with your partner is still strong. If she is the only child between your partner and the other biological parent, she may feel like she isn't as important now that one or both of her parents have other children with someone else and have a relationship with that someone else. She may feel ousted and that she doesn't really fit in anywhere. Try to help her see herself as a great bond between her parents and make her understand that it is a special position, not one that is negative because her parents did not stay together.
Encourage your partner to have alone time with each child, so that time alone with your partner isn't solely for your stepchild, but something every child can enjoy. You may wish to do the same. If you have a one-on-one dinner date with each child on his or her birthday, make sure you do the same for your stepchild. Making her involvement with her half-siblings as normal and routine as possible may also help her feel she is an equal part of the family. One other important relationship to cultivate is the relationship between your stepchild and her half-siblings. If they can treat her the same way they treat each other, she may feel more bonded with them.
