Visiting a Chinese Home
The Chinese are very hospitable. They truly go out of their way to make their guests feel welcome. As a result, you should try to do your best to show your appreciation. This is how long lasting relationships are built. There's a saying in Chinese, Qièjì liángshǒu kōngkōng, which means “never have two empty hands.” It's said regarding paying a visit to someone's home. Gift giving is a big practice in Chinese social interaction, and it's not out of as much social obligation as it is simple pleasure. The Chinese sincerely do enjoy sòng lǐwù (giving gifts). As Westerners are often taught growing up that “the gift is in the giving,” the Chinese seem to take this to heart.
In your search for gifts, steer clear of clocks and umbrellas. The term for giving a clock as a gift would be sòngzhōng, which sounds identical to sòngzhōng, meaning to send someone to their final rest. The term for giving an umbrella as a gift would be sòngsǎn, which sounds identical to sòngsǎn, meaning to separate or disperse. Neither are associations to share with a good friend.
Gifts for the Host
When you go to visit someone's home in China you should bring some tokens of appreciation. Do not take “tokens of appreciation” to mean that you should appear at someone's door as if coming down a chimney with a bag full of gifts; there is such a thing as overkill. In China it is traditional to offer gifts in pairs, as even numbers are considered lucky. Tokens of appreciation can be anything! They can be a couple of nice bottles of wine, a box of pastries from a bakery, or a bag or box of seasonal fruits. In most supermarkets some fruits will be sold in a decorative netting or boxes. These are specifically meant to be used as gifts.
Presenting Gifts
When you present your gifts, regardless of how far or wide you may have traveled to obtain them or how expensive they may actually be, you must be humble. In general, the Chinese are not very concerned with how much something costs or how rare or prized a gift is so much as the sincerity of the act. For example, a truly unique gift that was chosen carefully will impress more profoundly on your hosts than any price tag ever could. So if your intention is to wow your hosts, consider a token that is unique, perhaps something from your homeland that is not so easy to obtain in China. Exchanging gifts with the Chinese is not a simple task, though, because regardless of what you've brought, modesty demands that the gift recipient refuse the gift at least twice, and traditionally a full three times before accepting it. When you offer your gift you may do so by saying something like:
Qǐng jiēshòu wǒzhèfèn lǐwù, zhù nǐ wànshì rúyì. |
Please accept this small token of my appreciation. |
Now, prepare for your first refusal. Your host will say something like:
Búyào kèqì, qǐng nǐ shōuhuí nǐde lvwù à. |
Don't be so polite, please take the gift back. |
Your second attempt to offer the gift can be even more polite:
Xiǎoxiǎo yìsī, bùchéng jìngyì. |
It's absolutely nothing, hardly even respectful. |
Your hosts second attempt to refuse the gift may sound something like this:
Wǒmen yǐjīng bú shì wàirén le, nǐ búyòng kèqì le! |
We're not strangers anymore, you don't have to be so polite! |
Your third and probably final attempt to offer your gift will be both polite and reassuring:
| Zhè diǎn xiǎo lǐwù yídìng yào shōuxià. | It's hardly even a gift at all, please take it. |
The final refusal will likely be the refusal where they actually accept your gift:
Nǐ búyòng tài kèqì le, wǒmen yǐjǐng shì yìjiārén le. |
You really mustn't be so modest, we're family. |
