Taking a child who can't sit still or stay quiet to a place where those two skills are specifically demanded can seem like an overwhelming challenge to a parent. How can you honor your child's sensory disabilities without disturbing other worshipers? Some churches offer “cry rooms” in the back where you can isolate yourself and your noisy disruptive child from the rest of the congregation, but when those rooms fill up with crying babies and wandering toddlers, it may set your child off even more than the silence of the sanctuary.

There may never be a perfect solution, but being prepared is a good first step. If your child has small, quiet toys or items that are comforting to him, bring them along. An iPod or portable music player might provide some calming auditory stimulation, and even a Game Boy (with headphones or the mute button on) might not be too ridiculous a helper to bring.

While you may get some disapproving looks from other worshipers, it may be worth it to bring an electronic device to a worship service if it buys everyone some peace. Set your goal not at a complete and spiritually enlightening experience for your child, but at being comfortable in a place of worship.

Pew Position

If your child has low muscle tone, remember that sitting upright without support will be a problem for him. Put an adult or older sibling on either side of him so that he has something to lean against, or, if there's enough room in the pew, let him lie down. It's not even a bad idea to let your child fall asleep.

Pretty much anything you do is going to arouse the attention and sometimes indignation of the people around you, but it's better to do things to keep your child quiet than to be unable to do so.

Your child may be unable to stay pew-bound, so be prepared to take her for walks every so often. Try offering these as rewards for short periods of controlled behavior. Consider setting a short time as a goal for any given week, and take your child outside or to the car at that time, while she is still being successful. That goal can expand as your child is more able to control her needs for noise and movement. The important thing is that she sees your house of worship as a welcoming, nonthreatening place — and that won't happen if you're whispering threats between clenched teeth.

Spiritual Guidance

It may be hard for you to really participate in a worship service when you're so busy managing your child. You may also feel so defensive at the looks and imagined judgments of your fellow worshipers that you leave the service feeling full of resentment. Talk to your pastor, rabbi, or other spiritual guide about the problems you're having.

If lack of acceptance of your child and his needs is really a problem for your fellow worshipers, that may be something that needs to be addressed by someone in charge. If you're taking things too hard or judging yourself too harshly, you'll want to address that, too.

Be sure to let the people in charge of religious education or preparing children for milestones in their faith know about your child's special needs, just as you would your child's teacher at school. Your child may need extra assistance or an expanded timetable to meet those goals, but there should be an effort made to include him.

If this can't be done at your particular house of worship, see if there might be another in your area that has a program specifically for children with special needs. Don't assume your child is automatically excluded from these special moments or that he will simply rise to the occasion without assistance.