Failure and Frustration
It would be so much easier if your child could just say, “You know, I'd like to do what you're asking me to, but my motor planning abilities are so weak that I just can't figure out how to do it. Perhaps you could give me a little help?” But that would require a degree of self-awareness that most children with sensory integration disorder don't have. Your child doesn't know why she can't button that button; she just knows that it's hard and frustrating.
She may flat-out refuse to do it or ignore requests in the hope that they will just go away. If your child seems generally compliant but has certain activities she ignores, avoids, or resists having to do, look to see if there might be a motor planning component that's serving as a roadblock. Patiently talking or guiding her through it, structuring the activity so that it's easier for her, or finding an alternative activity will be far more effective than yelling and nagging in these situations.
Diversionary Tactics
In addition to avoiding you or ignoring you or refusing to do what you say, a child who can't figure out how to plan the activity you want him to do may try to divert your attention. Maybe he'll throw a tantrum and hope that at the end you will have forgotten what you wanted him to do. Maybe he'll try to start a conversation on something entirely unrelated. Maybe he'll insist that another activity needs to be done first.
These efforts to delay the inevitable may be frustrating to you, but they're signs of frustration on his part, too — and a fairly clever attempt to circumvent a dreaded action.
Resistance for no good reason in a child with sensory integration disorder may be a sign that there's a sensory side to the story. Your first reaction may be frustration and anger, but you'll be your child's best friend if you can step back and see where the problem might be.
In response, you might try a diversionary tactic of your own. Doing or saying something silly might get her attention. Offering a small reward for starting an activity might do it, too. A chart with picture prompts can be an exciting thing for a child to work with, and that might motivate her to overcome her reluctance and do the job. Sometimes, just having your time and attention as you guide her through an activity will be diversion enough to get her over her fears and reluctance and on to the task at hand.
