Self-esteem has less to do with “feeling good” than it has to do with “feeling right.” There is a substantial difference between the two. Feeling good cannot make you feel right, but feeling right can make you feel good. Now, do not be mistaken here. This “right” has nothing to do with “right versus wrong.” This feeling of right has to do with feeling authentic and genuine inside. Healthy self-esteem is much like your old, comfortable recliner. When you sit down in it, you feel at home. It's like the chair knows you. Other chairs are okay and may even be comfortable, but nothing feels like your chair. Your chair feels beyond good to you, it feels right. It fits you well.

The Luck of Larry

Take the case of Larry, for example. Larry works for Cooper Industries. He likes his job as an advertisement layout artist, but it is not the career of his dreams. His real love is painting. He works steady and does well, but usually he does just enough to get by. However, Larry's “getting by work” is much better than some people's “best work.” Larry continually receives compliments from his supervisor and colleagues. These compliments make Larry feel good and give him a boost, but deep inside, Larry knows the truth. His work just happens to please a few key people. Larry knows that he is not really even trying. He knows that his heart is in his artwork, not in his ad designs. The praise feels good for a while, but it does not feel right. However, whenever Larry receives a compliment on a painting that took weeks to conceive and much creative energy to paint, the praise feels right. The feeling lasts.

Continually doing things that go against who you are as a person and what you know is right can cause immense damage to your self-esteem. Imagine yourself in this situation for a moment so that you can fully understand Larry's situation. You may have experienced a similar situation in your own work or life. If so, you know that feeling good is temporary while feeling right is long lasting.

Such is the case with self-esteem. Simply having people compliment you on something for which you did not work may make you feel good for a moment, but deep inside, you know the truth just as Larry does. You know that if you do nothing tangible to deserve the compliment, the “good” feeling quickly disappears. However, if you actually do something to deserve the praise, the right feeling lasts.

The Magic Wand

If a magic wand could be waved to give you positive, healthy self-esteem, there would be many more happy people in the world. But there is no magic wand; there are no phrases of praise that can come from anyone that can give you meaningful, lasting, self-esteem. And finally, there are no words, exercises, or suggestions in this book that can help you … unless you want them to help you. There is no magic fix. Reading this book without doing the work suggested (and it is work) is a waste of time.