How You Behave
Your behavior toward yourself is paramount in determining your behavior toward those you love, those with whom you work, those with whom you study, and those with whom you play. Your self-esteem is a driving factor in how you behave — yet so few people make that connection.
You may think that your behavior is an innate trait that can't be changed or altered. This is an incorrect assumption. Behavior, all behavior, is learned. You learned your behavior through the environment in which you were raised and the environment in which you continue to live and work. Behavior is changeable, but it takes a great deal of time and effort to change an ingrained behavior.
Any behavior that is reinforced time and time again usually becomes a part of your personality, and once imbedded there, it is difficult to change.
Many psychologists feel that behavior is most commonly learned from modeling. This term refers to the fact that “what you see is what you do.” Your parents may have had good communication techniques — you saw how they talked through any disagreements without accusing or blaming the other. So you learned how to model your behavior after them to handle disagreements in a healthy manner.
If you work in an environment where a strong work ethic is highly valued and rewarded, you will model your behavior to fit that environment. Conversely, if you were reared in a home where manners, respect, and good behavior did not matter, your behavior, more than likely, models this environment.
They Made Me Do It
Have you ever blamed your behavior on another person? Have you ever used the line, “She/he made me do it?” It sounds childish, but many adults still use the line to explain away their poor behavioral patterns.
How often do you read stories in the paper about adults refusing to accept responsibility for their behaviors? “They served me hot coffee, and I burned myself.” “They allowed me to gamble my money away, and I'm broke now.” “They served me biggie French fries, and I gained fifty-eight pounds” This behavioral pattern is a clear and present sign of no personal responsibility based in unhealthy self-esteem.
It is the people who have so little faith in their own abilities, competencies, and actions who continue to blame others for all that happens — including things that happen under their watch and by their hands. Unhealthy self-esteem can have devastating results on the way you behave toward yourself and toward others.
According to a survey in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, the categories that bring most people joy are: autonomy (the feeling of independence), competence (the feeling of knowing that you are effective), relatedness (the feeling that you have positive relationships), and self-esteem (the feeling of self-worth).
Changing Behaviors — Changing Your Life
If you are interested in changing some of your negative or unhealthy behaviors, keep the following tips in mind:
Make a list of the behaviors you wish to change.
Talk to your friends and family about these behaviors.
Think about why the behavior is unhealthy.
Make a list of how the behavior can (or has) cost you.
Make a list of how the behavior has affected others in your life.
Make a list of alternative behaviors or actions.
Use one of the alternative behaviors on a daily basis.
Seek professional counseling to assist you with the change.
