Unhealthy self-esteem can do one of two things to your relationships. It can cheat you out of relationships that could greatly enhance the quality of your life, or it can place you in relationships that are abusive, unloving, damaging, and even deadly.

First, if your self-image is damaged and unhealthy, you feel as if you don't deserve to have a relationship (intimate, friendship, or otherwise) or that you would not be able to “convince” anyone to have a relationship with you. You see yourself as unworthy of attention and affection. This can result in a variety of emotional and physical problems.

Second, if your self-esteem is unhealthy, you sometimes tend to “hook up” with people who are not good for you — toxic or contaminated people. These are people who do not care for you and your dreams or goals; they only want to be around you for what you can do for them, not for what they can give to you. Unhealthy self-esteem is one of the leading causes for people staying in abusive and deadly relationships. At least I have someone, you convince yourself. I'm not alone.

People with healthy self-esteem would much rather be alone with themselves than be around a person who causes paramount emotional, physical, mental, and financial damage. They understand that toxic people are the fuel that feeds the fire of unhealthy self-esteem.

Healthy Relationships

A relationship is about moving from “I” to “we.” Any relationship, be it intimate, work, or friendship, is about understanding that you do not exist in the world alone. It is about choosing to share yourself with another person on levels that acquaintances and strangers never know.

Truly healthy relationships are about bringing out the best in each other. That idea sounds so simple and you've probably heard it for years, but the truth is that it is one of the most important aspects of healthy relationships. At its deepest, it means that every time you are around the other person, you are bringing the best of you, the total sum of you, to that moment.

This does not mean that you have to be happy and joyful around that person all the time. What it does mean is that whether you are in complete bliss or complete pain, you bring that emotion in total to the other person so that he or she can bask in your joy or help you through your pain. It means that you are willing to bring your total self into that relationship and help the other person do the same.

Bringing out the best in others means that you support them and they support you. It means that you forego jealousy and competition and take pride in their successes. It means that you push them along to help them reach their potential as human beings, and it means that you get all of this back from them.

Working Toward a Healthy Relationship

As you begin to open up and give of yourself to another person in a love or friendly relationship, consider the following tips:

• Be clear and direct in your communication.

• Be forgiving and understanding.

• Work hard to create a positive, constructive place for both of you.

• Be willing to admit your mistakes and shortcomings.

• Be constructive and supportive.

• Have the courage to be warm and sensitive.

• Don't be afraid to talk about your differences.

• Never be afraid or too strong to be held.