Directions: The following exercise is intended to help you come to terms with two people in your life — a person in your past that you harmed and a person who harmed you.

First, list someone that you hurt in years past and to whom you have not apologized or forgiven. Then list a person who hurt you in years past and from whom you have not had an apology or felt forgiveness.

Person 1:

Person 2:

A major part of forgiveness is being able to recognize valuable qualities and gifts in other people. People with healthy self-esteem are not only able to recognize these gifts and qualities in others, but also learn from them and acknowledge these gifts. In the spaces following, list at least two positive qualities about these people.

List the positive, valuable qualities that you see in person 1:

List the positive, valuable qualities that you see in person 2:

Activity: Finding Goodness

Now for the hard part, or maybe the easiest thing you've done in years. Find two nice notecards or pieces of stationery and write each of these people a handwritten note acknowledging these positive qualities. You can offer apologies or statements of forgiveness if you like, but your notes must concentrate on the positive.

EXAMPLE: (TO SOMEONE WHO HAS HURT YOU)

Dot,

I know that we have not seen eye-to-eye on some things over the past few years. We never really gave each other a chance. We both said some things that were very hurtful, and for that I am sorry. I also want you to know that I forgive you for the comments you made to me. I know in my heart that you are not that kind of person.

I also wanted to let you know that I admire the way I saw you treat your family when they were visiting, and I also admire your total sense of independence and persistence.

I hope that you and I can sit and talk some day soon.

Robb

Use this space to jot down a few positive statements to person 1.

Use this space to jot down a few positive statements to person 2.

Now, it's your turn. Spend some time reviewing what you said about the people you listed and write your notes. Don't go any further until you have written both notes.

Was writing the notes easy? No

Why?

Can you bring yourself to mail the notes? No

Why?

What could this do to your self-esteem?