Susan was filled with fear and anxiety as she picked up the phone. I've made a thousand calls before, she thinks to herself, Why is this one so difficult? She dials the number, hears the ring, and immediately slams the receiver down. I can't, she thinks. I just can't!

Susan was trying to call her supervisor to let her know that after years and years of verbal abuse and harassment, she would not be coming into work today, or ever again. Why was the call so difficult? It was so difficult because the call required Susan to move out of her comfort zone and into the unknown.

Comfort zone has two meanings. First, it is a place where we feel secure, safe, and confident. It is a place where we seldom have to worry about embarrassment or criticism. It is a wonderful place to many people. However, the word comfort can be confusing. It usually means nice and warm and cozy. But when speaking of the comfort zone, this term can also refer to a place that is “comfortable” to us just because we know it, not because we love it. This was the case with Susan.

Her comfort zone was not a comfortable or happy place, but it was a place with which she was familiar and a place where she knew she had a steady paycheck.

A comfort zone can be a prison. If we refuse to move beyond our comfort zone, we never grow. We become stagnant and life ceases to have any surprise or mystery. Stagnation does nothing to help you with self-esteem. You may say, “Every time I try something new, I just fail,” or, “As long as I stay put, do only what I'm comfortable with, no one will criticize or yell at me.” Those statements may be very true, but is that the essence of life?

What Is Your Comfort Zone?

Picture your comfort zone as a target on a wall. Each circle from the center is wider and encompasses a larger space than the one inside it. This is comparable to the comfort zones you experience in your own life. As a child, it is quite small. Your parents and surroundings protect you, and that is all you know.

As you get older, learn more, and have more life experiences, your comfort zone grows. For some people, the zone stops here because they refuse to be open to possibilities and new experiences. They are afraid to take risks.

For those who are unafraid of change and new experiences in the world, the zone continues to grow wider and wider. They begin to be more comfortable in more places, around more events, and different people. They continue to expand their zones by travel, meeting new people, learning new things, trying new life experiences, and being unafraid of what others think, unafraid of embarrassment, and by embracing adventures that come only once in a lifetime. They are more comfortable in more places in the world. They are just as at home in Paris or in Des Moines.

Moving Beyond the Zone

Moving beyond your comfort zone requires that you take calculated risks, make uncommon decisions, and put courage before comfort. You don't have to do it all at once; you can take small steps until your zone or circle becomes larger.

Suppose that you are afraid of speaking before a group of people but you need to learn this skill for growth at work. You don't have to run to Carnegie Hall tomorrow. Rather, begin by volunteering to read to children at the library. When that becomes more comfortable, join a Toastmasters' group. When you are comfortable there, volunteer to speak before a small group, perhaps at a PTA meeting or a religious gathering.

Maybe you want to go back to school to earn a degree but you just can't face it because you think you're too old or that you've forgotten everything you learned twenty years ago. Start small. Go to the bookstore or library and check out a few books that interest you on the subject in which you might major.

Read them, study them, and then move on to more intensive materials. Then, go to your local college or university and audit a course. This means that you take it for no credit. You don't have to take the exams, but you can get a taste of what college is going to be like for you.

By taking these small steps, you begin to expand your zone. You begin to become more comfortable in more places in the world. You are able to have conversations with people you never had before. You begin to see the world through eyes that have been opened and expanded. You have more opportunities in this world and your self-esteem begins to flourish.

The Zone and Your Ability

A formal definition of ability is that you have the quality of being able to do something, a physical, mental, financial, or legal activity, and that you have a natural or acquired skill to perform. On a deeper level, ability involves stretching your limits and believing that you have the capacity to perform on some level, either innately or through learning. Ability also means that you are realistic about your competencies and your capacities.

It does not aid your self-esteem to pretend that you are brilliant at something at which you have little or no aptitude. This is not, however, to say that you can't develop an aptitude.

The Case of Stephanie

Ability does not mean that you have to have the talent or skill in hand; it means that you have some aptitude for a task, skill, trade, or vocation and are willing to overcome obstacles to master the talent or skill. Consider Stephanie.

Stephanie was an awful student in high school. She graduated with a D- average. Her SAT score was in the lowest 10 percent. However, due to immense pressure from her parents, Stephanie enrolled in the local community college and began taking basic-skills courses. After a few semesters in college, she knew that she wanted to be a college teacher. Certainly, she did not have the ability at that point in time to achieve the goal, but because she discovered that teaching was in her nature, that she had a true aptitude for explaining things, that it was who she was as a person, she was able to develop the ability to earn three college degrees. She found “her calling” and has been teaching college for fifteen years now. It is something that she “cannot not do.”

She was lacking in ability, but found what she really wanted to do and worked hard to gain the ability to do it. She had to leave her comfort zone in order to do this. Stephanie reports that this was the single hardest thing that she ever did, but the one thing that truly changed her outlook on life and her image of herself.