Giving Them a Second Chance
After you have confronted the contaminated person, you will have to make the decision whether to give the relationship another chance. That decision should be yours alone. If they do not want another chance, move on. If you do not want another chance, move on. However, if you and the other party are willing to work — and it is work — then there is the possibility that the relationship with this person can be salvaged.
Before you go down this road, ask yourself the following questions:
Do you truthfully see the relationship getting better?
Why is the relationship worth saving?
What does the relationship bring to your life?
Can you honestly forgive the other person and move on?
Will you always have lingering doubts about the other person?
Can you ever trust the other person again?
Do you foresee any future joy or happiness with the other person?
Do all parties involved (direct and extended) support the attempted restoration?
If you have a positive feeling about these questions, it may be advantageous to move in the direction of restoration. As you move forward, the following suggestions can help you.
CommunicationThere are several methods to resolving conflict in relationships. The first step, of course, is to keep the lines of two-way communication open. This means that both parties will listen and speak. Few things will be accomplished if this does not happen.
Why is listening so important? Listening is a basic survival skill for any animal, humans included. Recognizing the difference between listening and hearing is essential to positive relationships. Without the skill of purposeful listening, most communication is shattered.
Communication can be the single most important step in identifying contaminated people, confronting contaminated people, restoring and refining relationships that were previously contaminated, or eliminating contaminated people from your life.
“I'd rather have people hate me for who I am than love me for who I am not.”
— Unknown
Now that you have decided on a second chance, a new start, and the lines of communication are open, you will need to understand that this will not be enough. If it were enough, you probably would not be in a contaminated relationship to begin with.
Second chances are most successful if you have a plan to resolve the issues that brought you to the mat in the first place. Consider the following steps:
Identify all the problems involved.
Find the root or central problem.
Do not proceed until you have found the real problem.
Discuss or even brainstorm solutions to the central problem.
Talk about which solutions you want to try.
Agree on which solution(s) you wish to try together.
Test the solution(s) and establish a timeline for reviewing how things are going.
If you keep the lines of communication open and truly work to clean up the contaminated situation, there is a possibility that things will get better. Again, it depends on how much each person is willing to give and just how much effort, energy, and emotional toil you are willing to expend.
